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How Can I Ask My Parents To Put Me On The Pill Without Them Getting Mad?

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am 15 years old (I will be 16 in two months) and I am thinking about becoming sexually active. My boyfriend (18) and I have talked about sex before. He respects me and is not forcing me into sex with him. He says it's my decision. The thing is... I want to have sex, and yet my parents are extremely against pre-marital sex. I want to ask my mom if I can go on the pill, but I'm so sure she won't let me. I'm just scared to get pregnant, even if we use a condom. That's why I want to go on the pill. How do I ask my parents for the pill without them getting mad? Because I do not want to go behind their backs and get the prescription from my doctor. Thank you!
Signed: How Can I Ask My Parents To Put Me On The Pill Without Them Getting Mad?

Dear How Can I Ask My Parents To Put Me On The Pill Without Them Getting Mad?,

 

The first thing to remember is that you cannot control or guarantee how your parents will react to your asking them to be put on the pill. No matter how you present it, it is possible that they may feel angry and/or against the idea – and it is important for you to be prepared for that. The best you can do is to think about how you can present your side of things in a mature and responsible manner, and, if they do become angry, to let them know that that kind of reaction is hurtful to you.

If you want to talk to your parents about this, first think about what you want to say to them. Given that they do not believe in pre-marital sex, how do you want to explain to them that you feel differently? Also, consider some of the questions they might ask you and how you want to answer them. For example, they may ask you if you really think you are old enough at 15 to be sexually active and if you will be okay losing your virginity to this person in particular and to a person you may not be spending the rest of your life with. If pre-marital sex goes against the family’s religious beliefs, you may need to be prepared to discuss this as well. Finally, you might think about why you feel you are ready. There are many things to consider when it comes to being sexually active: knowledge of what physically goes on, a willingness to be responsible when it comes to practicing safer sex, and emotional readiness. What makes you feel so sure you are ready in these ways and how can you convey that to your parents?

In thinking about discussing this with your parents, FX recommends that you consider what you want to do if your parents remain against the idea despite what you discuss with them. Does that mean you will wait to become sexually active? Will you tell them that you plan on going on the pill with our without their assistance? Do you want to keep your sexual health as a private thing for yourself and pursue this matter on your own without their knowledge? Only you will know what will feel right for you – but it is important to consider this possibility since FX would not want to see you in a situation where you don’t want to go behind their backs to get birth control, but then end up having unprotected sex with your boyfriend, putting yourself at risk for unwanted pregnancy and the transmission of STDs.

If you want to meet with a doctor (with or without your parents), and if you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment or contact Girl’s Street – A Young Woman’s Health Program – at 908.522.2555 . You can also call your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood, or contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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