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Want To Be On The Pill, But My Mom Would Kill Me

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am sexually active and I want to be on birth control so I don't get pregnant , but my mom would kill me if she knew I wasn't a virgin. What should I do ?
Signed: Want To Be On The Pill, But My Mom Would Kill Me

Dear Want To Be On The Pill, But My Mom Would Kill Me,

 

TeenHealthFX would like to start by asking you to consider whether or not you truly feel comfortable being sexually active knowing how upset your mother would be if she knew about it. There are so many things to think about when it comes to being sexually active: taking responsibility when it comes to practicing safer sex, being prepared to deal with the possibility of unwanted pregnancies or the transmission of STDs (as abstinence is the only way to protect yourself 100% from those things), being emotionally ready, and dealing with being sexually active if it goes against any cultural or religious beliefs. And then there is the possibility of dealing with anger, disappointment, or criticism from family members if their beliefs differ than yours and they are not open to accepting those differences or have any other reason to see your decision to become sexually active as problematic.

If you feel you are truly ready to be sexually active in terms of some of the considerations presented above, then the first question you need to answer for yourself is whether or not you are okay about being sexually active knowing it would upset your mother so much. Will you feel any sense of guilt about being sexually active that will be too much to deal with? Will you feel too much anxiety knowing there is always the possibility she could find out? Only you can know how important it is to you to be sexually active versus whatever feelings might come up for you about going against the wishes of your mother.

If you decide you do want to be sexually active despite any concerns about what your mother may think, than FX suggests that you speak with your primary care physician, adolescent medicine specialist, gynecologist, or medical care provider at a Planned Parenthood clinic about the best safer sex options for you. Generally, it is recommended that teens use condoms each and every time they have sex to provide some protection against unwanted pregnancies and transmission of STDs, as well as a back-up method of birth control, such as the pill, that will also provide some protection against unwanted pregnancies. A medical professional will be able to advise you on the best safer sex methods for you, as well as to advise you on which kind of pill to take if that is the recommendation.

As for your mother finding out about your being on the pill, parental permission is generally not needed for prescription methods of birth control. Keep in mind that there are some doctors and facilities out there that will require parental permission – so it is a good idea to check with your doctor about confidentiality issues before reporting anything you would want to keep confidential. Start by asking your doctor if there are any issues you can discuss with him/her or treatments/medications you can receive without your parents knowing. If your doctor tells you that certain safer sex issues can be kept confidential, ask your doctor if he/she can prescribe you the pill without your parent’s permission and whether or not anything will show up in a medical insurance statement that would indicate to your parents that you are on the pill. If your local treatment provider can prescribe you the pill confidentially, then it will be up to you to figure out a way to store it in confidence. You might also want to come up with a plan as to how to explain it to your mother in the event that she does find out to help prevent any initial conflicts between the two of you.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health in Morristown 973-971-6475 or the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health in Summit at 908-522-5757 for an appointment. Outside this area contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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