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18 And Not Sure If I Want A Baby

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Im 18 and ive always told myself i dont want a baby untill im about 30 and ive lived my life and had fun with my mates. but my boyfriend who ive been with for only 4months tells me he wants a baby, i do love this guy and i know he loves me i cant see us ever spliting up, hes 25 and works he also has his own house. I have been thinking wether having a baby is a good idea, id love to have a baby, but im just not sure if its a bad idea becoming a mother at 18/19. Also because he is older i wonder if he is ready but im not, i dont know what to do, im in college at the minute but will have finished my course next year and i dont want to go to university, im just so confused i cant make a decision on what to do! can you give me some advice please?
Signed: 18 And Not Sure If I Want A Baby

Dear 18 And Not Sure If I Want A Baby,

 

Having a baby can be a beautiful and wonderful thing for a mother – but it is most special when a mother feels truly ready for that change in her life. The fact that you are writing in to us and feeling so torn about what to do suggests to TeenHealthFX that you are not yet ready to become a mother – and this makes sense to us. For one thing, you are only 18 and your boyfriend is only 25 – you both have plenty of years ahead of you to safely have children before your “clocks start ticking,” so to speak. Second, you and your boyfriend have only been together for 4 months. The two of you have not had much time to really enjoy one another and have some valuable couple time. Once you have a child that couple time and alone time can be very hard to come by – so FX can respect if you do not want to rush the very special alone time the two of you have right now. Third, you may still want time to be young, go out, and spend time with friends. Having a baby can take you away from all of that – and you may not be ready for that. Finally, there very well may be a difference between you and your boyfriend in terms of what you are ready for and what he is ready for. You may feel a step behind when it comes to school, careers, or family – and it is important that you let him know that if he wants to stay in a relationship with you he needs to understand that you may not always be going at the same pace he is.

 

Since it sounds to FX like you are not ready to have a child, we suggest that you speak to your boyfriend and let him know that you are not ready. Be clear with him that your not being ready does not have anything to do with your love or commitment to him – but that you do not yet want to deal with all of the changes and extra responsibilities that motherhood will bring at this point in your life. FX also wants you to remember that it is okay for you to not feel ready. It makes sense, it is reasonable and understandable, and you have every right to feel this way.

 

FX suggests that you read the question/answer “My Boyfriend Wants A Baby, But I’m Not Ready” under the Pregnancy section of Sexuality and Sexual Health. This will give you some suggestions as to how to speak to your boyfriend about this. In addition, there are many questions listed that you can go through – your answers to these questions will determine how ready you truly are for parenthood whether your are trying to determine your readiness now or at some point in the future. The questions help you to look at issues of finances, childcare, healthcare, changes on marital relationships, changes with friendships, and many other issues that should be considered before bringing a child into this world.

 

FX hopes that this information is helpful. However, if you are find that you continue to struggle with what to do and how to handle the situation, FX suggests that you speak with a trusted adult so that you can get some support and guidance.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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