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Want To Break Up With Possibly Pregnant Girlfriend

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
i have a girlfriend who MIGHT be pregnant.. but thigns havnt been workign out between us lately... i want to break up with her because shes been taking me away from my friends and the rest of my life, even before we assumed she was pregnant.. now im worried of what would happen if i broke up with her and she was pregnant.. there seems to be no easy way to break up with someone at such a time.. i would definately be ther for my child but i cant deal with my girlfriend anymore.. any suggestions on what i can do?
Signed: Want To Break Up With Possibly Pregnant Girlfriend

Dear Want To Break Up With Possibly Pregnant Girlfriend,

 

TeenHealthFX thinks that it is important that you speak to your girlfriend about your relationship with her, as well as the pregnancy. She needs to know where you stand with both, you need to find out where she stands, and the two of you to make the decisions that are best for each of you and the welfare of this baby based on what you discuss together. For example, if you know you do not want to continue the relationship, it is important for you girlfriend to know this because that might factor into whether or not she wants to have this baby (assuming she is pregnant).

Once you have told your girlfriend that you do not want to continue the relationship, the next step is for the two of you to talk about whether or not to have and raise the baby if you are not going to be together. There are a lot of things to think about when it comes to bringing a child into the world – to help each of you decide where you stand on whether or not the two of you want to raise this baby (or whether you want to opt for an abortion or adoption), read the questions listed in our answers to The Cost Of Raising A Baby and My Boyfriend Wants A Baby, But I’m Not Ready.

If you both decide after discussing it that you would like to raise this baby, then the two of you need to talk about who you are going to do this, especially given that you will not be in a dating relationship with one another. The following are just a few of the many things to think about if you have this baby while no longer romantically involved:

·         Who will the baby live with?

·         How will visits work for the non-residential parent?

·         How will you arrange things such as holidays in terms of who the baby is with?

·         How will you work out expenses for the baby? Who will pay for what and what are possible sources of income for each of you?

·         What will the baby’s last name be?

 

FX also recommends you think about the following:

·         Consider speaking with a trusted adult – especially if you can find someone who has personal experience in dealing with long-term relationships and raising children – so you can get some guidance and support in figuring out exactly how you want to handle things in this situation.

·         One complaint you listed with your girlfriend is that she takes away from your time with your friends and your life in general – but if you decide you want your girlfriend to have this baby and you would like to be actively involved in the baby’s life, keep in mind that a child will also take you away from those things. Parents who are fully committed to raising their children understand that their children come first – going out with your friends becomes secondary to your responsibilities to your child. Given that you are in a space where you want to focus on your friends and your life, are you really in a place to be a parent right now? This is important for you to think about and to convey to your girlfriend. 

·         While you may be feeling done with the dating relationship, if your girlfriend is pregnant, recognize that this is probably going to be a scary time and emotional time for her. While it is reasonable for you to let your girlfriend know where you are at with the relationship, keep in mind that it is still important to be compassionate and supportive of what she is going through.

·         In the future, PLEASE remember to practice safer sex. FX recommends that our readers use condoms each and every time they have sex, as well as a back-up method of birth control such as the pill. For more information on safer sex and available birth control methods, please read our answer to Updated Birth Control Information.

 

Since you stated that you are not sure yet if your girlfriend is pregnant, than you and she need to find out if she is. She can meet with her doctor or go to a Planned Parenthood clinic. If she needs to find a free pregnancy testing center, you or she can call 866-942-6466. You can get more information on options and various resources through the American Pregnancy Association. If she is pregnant, given that this is an unplanned pregnancy, you and your girlfriend can call 1-800-672-2296 to find out about your options and to get some support and guidance for this situation. And if your girlfriend has no medical insurance, you can call 1-800-450-0183. 

 

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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