Bookmark and Share

14 YO With A Pregnant Girlfriend

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
hi im 14 year old guy and i am dating a 14 year old girl. we found out three week ago that she is pregnant. i have been with her for justt over a year and i love her more than anything alse. three days after i found out she was pregnant i asked her to marry me. im so scraed to tell my dad. i know he will blow up. he freaked when he found out i had sex. i dont know how i should tell my dad. i might also have to move in with my grandfather with her until we can get our own place becasue i know my dad will say him or her and the baby, and i will pick her. am i nuts? im not sure. this feels right. i grew up really fast. i am getting a job and i will start saving. i know baby are a large burden. my mom has 4 kids. trust me i know. when we found out my fiance i guess, was really happy. i was a little happy to, but i dont know. we had talked about kids in 4 or 5 years but this is so soon.i just dont know what to do and i need help.
Signed: 14 YO With A Pregnant Girlfriend

Dear 14 YO With A Pregnant Girlfriend,

 

TeenHealthFX appreciates your feelings for you girlfriend – how much you care about her and how much she has come to mean to you. However, we think that right now you and your girlfriend need to focus on what makes the most sense here in terms of what it means to be parents at 14. There is a lot to think about when it comes to parenthood – and very special challenges for teens who are thinking of becoming parents. Babies need love – and the love you carry with you for your girlfriend and that you may have for this baby is VERY important. But things like financial support for your child, health insurance, and other practical considerations are also very important.

FX recommends that you read the questions My Boyfriend Wants A Baby, But I’m Not Ready, as well as The Cost Of Raising A Baby, so you can go over some questions and facts about parenthood in order to determine whether the two of you are really in a position right now to be raising a baby. Some of the key questions the two of you will need to think about is:

·         Where will the two of you live and where will the baby live? If you live on your own, how will you pay for it?

·         What kind of support will you have from family members?

·         What kind of work can you do at 14 that will help to support this child?

·         What will raising this baby yourselves mean for your long-term educational and career goals? What will this mean for the long-term well-being of your baby in terms of how you will be able to provide for him/her now and later in life?

·         What kind of health insurance will this baby have?

·         Where are you and your girlfriend emotionally in terms of being able to put this baby’s needs before your own? FX strongly believes that 14 year olds still need guidance and care from their own parents – what does it mean for a teen who still needs to be taken care of to a degree to now be taking care of another human being?

FX can’t know the right thing for you to do, but we do know you have some very important and serious things to think about in terms of deciding what it ultimately best to do now and in the long-run. FX thinks that it is very important for you and your girlfriend to have some trusted adults you can speak to about this – to give you the guidance and support you need during this very difficult time. Whether it’s your grandfather, a school counselor, your parents, your doctor, or a professional through one of the resources below – reach out to some adults soon so you can start on the path to figuring out how to handle all of this.

As for your father, his anger is probably connected to the fact that you are your girlfriend are in a very difficult situation that will end up with potential difficulties and stress no matter what course you choose (keep the baby, give the baby up for adoption, or have an abortion). He may also be feeling angry with you and your girlfriend for not taking enough precautions to protect yourselves against an unwanted pregnancy. There may be lots of reasons he is angry, but FX suggests in talking to him that you let him know that you understand he is angry, and that you might be angry too if it was your 14yo son standing in front of you with this news. But stress to your father that right now you really need him to find a way to put his anger aside to help you figure out what needs to be done here because the clock is ticking in terms of figuring all of this out. Stress to your father how much you need his guidance and support right now.

 

In figuring out what to do here, there are various resources that can be helpful to you:

·         If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

·         You can get more information on options and various resources through the American Pregnancy Association. Since this is an unplanned pregnancy, you and your girlfriend can call 1-800-672-2296 to find out about your options and to get some support and guidance for this situation. And if your girlfriend has no medical insurance, you can call 1-800-450-0183.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

Ratings