Bookmark and Share

How Do I Tell My Parents I Want To Have A Baby?

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Im 17 I turn 18 in april and I graduate high school in May my boyfriend of 5 years wants to have a baby I do also but im not sure how to tell my parents who are both supportive of all my decisions. But im still scared to tell them. We both have jobs but not our own place.
Signed: How Do I Tell My Parents I Want To Have A Baby?

Dear How Do I Tell My Parents I Want To Have A Baby?,

You stated that your parents are “supportive of all” of your decisions, however, there must be some part of you that worries they are not going to be completely supportive of the idea of your having a baby at this point in your life or you wouldn’t be feeling so scared to tell them. If your parents are not completely supportive of you doing this, it might be hard for you to think of wanting something they don’t agree with – it might also force you look at whether you are truly ready to be a parent at 18 years old.

It’s wonderful for parents to be supportive of their children’s dreams and goals, however, parents are also being helpful to their children when they guide their children on how to balance desire and responsibility. Having a child is a huge decision and a tremendous responsibility – it is not something that can simply be undone, so it is important to make sure you are really and truly prepared for this step in your life, as well as to consider whether this is the healthiest decision for you, your boyfriend and for this baby. FX thinks it is important for you to discuss this issue with your parents so you can find out how they feel about the idea, get their thoughts and feedback, and so that you can process why it is important for you to do this right now in your life given that you certainly have plenty of time ahead of you for children.
When you think about having a baby right now, and in talking to your parents, FX would like you to consider the following:

Think about the issues of jobs and finances. Given how you answer the following questions, consider whether it would make sense for you and/or your boyfriend to go on in school or move up in your careers before putting the time and money into a baby. Remember, it’s much harder to go to school or change careers once you also have the responsibility of taking care of a child.
 

  • You and your boyfriend both have jobs right now, but are you both earning enough to support yourselves and a child?
  • Do either you or your boyfriend have health insurance through your job that can cover both of you and the baby?
  • Is there a chance for advancement and earning more money with the jobs the two of you currently have? If not, what will it mean to you and your boyfriend to be in the same jobs with almost the same income 10 years from now? Will the jobs you have now mean you might need to make sacrifices down the road in terms of being able to afford more children, buying a home, the ability to take vacations, or anything else you might like?

You mentioned not having your own place to live, so consider the following about that:
 

  • Can you not afford your own place to live? If not, how are you going to be able to afford a baby? If you are planning on continuing to live with your parents and relying on them to support you in this way, then you are not ready to take on all the responsibilities of parenting as you are still dependent on them to help take care of you.
  • It sounds like you and your boyfriend have not lived together alone yet. If this is the case, FX wants you to consider why you wouldn’t want time alone together before adding a child to the mix.  

You said your boyfriend wants to have a baby. If you answer “yes” to either of the following questions, then you need to consider your motivations and whether they are the healthiest for you and for this baby.
 

  • Are you feeling pressured at all about having a baby because you see this is something he wants?
  • Do you feel your boyfriend wouldn’t want to be with you if you wanted to put off becoming parents for a couple of years?

There are several more questions FX would like you and your boyfriend to think about, as well as for you to discuss with your parents. You can find them in the answers to Trying to Have a Baby and The Cost of Raising a Baby.


Again, FX can appreciate how much the idea of having a baby must mean to you, but we want you to really think about what this will mean for you, your boyfriend and this baby on a variety of levels to ensure the health and happiness of all of you!

Signed: TeenHealthFX

Ratings