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How Can I Make My Boyfriend Feel Comfortable When and If We Have Sex?

Published: May 12, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
How can I make my boyfriend feel comfortable, when and if we have sex? We will be using protection.
Signed: How Can I Make My Boyfriend Feel Comfortable When and If We Have Sex?

Dear How Can I Make My Boyfriend Feel Comfortable When and If We Have Sex?,

There are two aspects to feeling comfortable about having sex. The first aspect is making sure that you are educated about safer sex in terms of preventing unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs, as well as what to do if you think you or your partner might be pregnant or that you or your partner might have an STD. Being knowledgeable and prepared for these things can certainly reduce anxiety The second aspect has to do with feeling emotionally ready to be physically intimate with someone else.  

Safer Sex Precautions

One way to help ensure you are comfortable in this area is to speak to a doctor about safer sex practices. Doctors generally recommend that teens and young adults who choose to be sexually active use condoms each and every time they have sex to protect against unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs, as well as a back-up method of birth control such as the pill or birth control shot. Your doctor can make the best recommendations for you and your boyfriend, as well as to educate you on how to use properly use birth control to maximize its effectiveness.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-5199 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. A Planned Parenthood health center is a good option if you have concerns about cost or confidentiality issues. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

Another aspect of this is to make sure you are educated about various topics connected to being sexually active. With that in mind, FX suggests that you check out the links in our Resource of the Month: Planned Parenthood Resources on Safer Sex so that you can learn about sexual readiness, how pregnancy happens, pregnancy tests, emergency contraception, birth control, STDs and more. The more educated you are about these topics, the more likely you will make healthy decisions for yourself when it comes to your sexual health.

Emotional Readiness

Perhaps an even larger aspect of feeling comfortable with being physically intimate with someone else is emotional readiness. There are many things to consider. How does having sex at this point in your life fit into religious, cultural, familial or personal beliefs? Are you ready to be that intimate with another person? How do you feel about the person you are thinking of having sex with? Do you really love this person and do they love you or are you just thinking of having sex because of pressure from your partner or from peers? Do you feel you trust your significant other and feel emotionally safe with them? Do you feel your significant other treats you with care and respect? Will your significant other be understanding if you agree to have sex and then change your mind? How do you imagine will you feel about your significant other and yourself afterwards?

If you want your boyfriend to be comfortable, then FX suggests before you made any definite decisions about having sex, that you spend some time talking about the questions above. If it is too uncomfortable or awkward to talk about, then take that as a sign that one or both of you is not ready yet.  

As for helping someone else to feel comfortable about something, no matter what we are talking about, it involves relating in a way that is caring, respectful and honest. It is respecting where someone else is at and going at their pace. It is not trying to force anyone into anything they are not comfortable with or rush things. It is being patient and kind. It is making sure there is open communication and that you are checking in with how the other person is feeling every step of the way. It is able letting the person know they can rely on you and you are there for them.  

For more information on sexual readiness, TeenHealthFX suggests that you and your boyfriend read the TeenHealthFX article, When Am I Ready for Sex?, as well as the Planned Parenthood article, Am I Ready for Sex?

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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