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Tried Having Sex Several Times

Published: July 31, 2014
Dear TeenHealthFX,

I'm a virgin in my late teens and my boyfriend (not a virgin) and I have tried having sex several times. He's gotten the head of his penis in a couple times, but it hurt a lot, I'm assuming because of the hymen (mine is still mostly intact, I guess, but partially damaged from a tampon, although probably in just a small section of the membrane, since it doesn't feel like it really made a difference). Is there any way to make things easier and less painful? I definitely feel ready to have sex, but since the muscles down there aren't used to being used, and my hymen isn't used to being stretched, it's pretty painful and uncomfortable. The only position I currently feel comfortable with is missionary but my boyfriend says the angle makes it harder for him to just "stick it all the way in" with one quick thrust, so he's just been trying to keep thrusting until he gets in. Would a personal lubricant help? Or even just making sure I orgasm beforehand so the vagina expands more? I have a low pain tolerance and I just want to feel more reassured so I don't tense up and expect it to feel awful.


Dear Tried Having Sex Several Times,

An un-stretched hymen can cause pain, but this mostly occurs the first time you have intercourse. One of the primary causes of vaginal discomfort during intercourse occurs when your partner tries to enter you before you are “wet”. When a female's body becomes sexually stimulated it becomes moist from natural lubricants.  This process makes it easier and more comfortable for intercourse. 

If you are uncomfortable or experiencing stress or anxiety, it will be harder for your body to relax. As a result, your vagina does not get sufficiently lubricated or your vaginal muscles will be contracted which can also lead to pain. Look at this statement, “it harder for him to just "stick it all the way in" with one quick thrust, so he's just been trying to keep thrusting until he gets in.” Bearing in mind that you have a low pain tolerance, it doesn’t sound like the most relaxed setting. The one “thrust” and you’re in, is generally not the best approach. The activity leading up to intercourse, foreplay, plays an important part in getting the body ready for intercourse. Foreplay can be an enjoyable and very intimate part of the sexual experience. This period of time will give you the opportunity to become more at ease and allow the lubrication process to take place. If you try and force the situation most likely you will run into the same problem. 

Some women have trouble lubricating themselves naturally due to a medical reason or from a hormonal method of birth control. It is a common problem and you can try using a water-based lubricant, like KY Jelly during or before sex. This will increase lubrication. Make sure you do not use any oil-based products as they can break down condoms. Also, remember to always practice safer sex and use a condom. 

If you want a more specific answer that is relevant to you, then you probably want to check with your doctor. Your doctor can examine you and go over your history and be able to give you a good idea if there is a problem is and what to do about it. 

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health in Morristown 973-971-6475 or the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health in Summit at 908-522-5757 for an appointment. Outside this area contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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