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Feeling Isolated About Being Bisexual

Published: August 27, 2015
Dear TeenHealthFX,

Im a 14 yr. old girl. I know that I like girls, and guys, so I'm guessing that makes me bisexual, but my parents really dont like that life swyle. Once, i asked my mother hypothetycally if my sister and i ever came out, what would she do, and she said that we would be dead to her. My dad is worse, he just ignores anything that has to do with it. Where I live, being gay is frowned apon, I literally dont know anyone that has come out. I cant talk to anyone, fearing that I will be judged. I think my sister could help, but she studies abroad, so I cant talk to her. What should I do? Thank you in advance for anything.

Signed: Feeling Isolated About Being Bisexual

Dear Feeling Isolated About Being Bisexual,

TeenHealthFX absolutely appreciates the difficulty of your situation. Teens who feel they might be (or know that they are) gay or bisexual can struggle with a lot of difficult feelings about it. They might worry about whether there is something “wrong” with them, worry about what friends and family might think, and feel very isolated and alone. And they might also be struggling with what they know to be true about their sexual orientation compared with whatever homophobia they might have within themselves or experience in their communities. 

Before FX gives our thoughts about what you can do, there are some things we want you to know: 

  • A person’s sexual orientation (whether they are gay, straight, or bisexual) is determined by many factors, but appears to be mostly based on genetics from the research that has been done. Research has also made it clear that a person’s sexual orientation is not just a personal choice that can be simply switched or changed.

  • The worth of a human being is not determined by sexual orientation. A person is no less good, valuable, likable or lovable if they are gay, straight or bisexual.

  • There are people out there who have prejudices against people because of their sexual orientation. Usually these people are operating from a place of fear or insecurity.

  • Just as there are people out there who can be prejudiced and cruel, there are definitely people out there who are loving, respectful and caring towards others regardless of sexual orientation. 

You are not alone. There are many teens and adults out there who are gay or bisexual. And there are many teens and adults out there who struggle with their sexual orientation in terms of being able to personally accept it as well as come out to friends and family. Again, you are not alone in what you are going through. 

As for what you can do, FX thinks that it is incredibly important for you to find at least one person you can talk to about this. Clearly you are dealing with some serious thoughts and feelings related to your sexual orientation and your parents’ feelings about it, and it is important you not try to deal with them all on your own. Here are some people you could try talking to: 

  • A school social worker, psychologist or guidance counselor.

  • A private therapist.

  • An extended family member who you think would be understanding about your situation and keep what you have to say in confidence.

  • Your sister. Your sister may be studying abroad, but thankfully with today’s technology there are many ways we can communicate with people in other countries. Check with your sister on what would work for her as a way to communicate – cell phones, email, or maybe even skyping.

  • If you ever find that you are dealing with any kind of bullying, check out the resources listed our Resource of the Month, Resources For Gay Teens

  • You could also reach out to some reputable online agencies. The GLBT National Help Center provides free and confidential telephone and internet peer counseling, information, and local resources for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals throughout the U.S.A. The GLBT National Hotline is 1-888-843-4564 for teens and adults. The GLBT National Youth Talkline is 1-800-246-PRIDE (7743) for teens and young adults up to 25 years old. And the National Help Center also offers Online Peer-Support Chat

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

 

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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