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Friend's Reaction Made Me Doubt My Feeling That I'm Bisexual

Published: February 10, 2014
Dear Friend's Reaction Made Me Doubt My Feeling That I'm Bisexual,

I'm a 13 year old girl and I think I'm bisexual. I want to come out to my friends and I am really sure that I'm bi, but when I told my best friend (she's the only one who knows), she said "but you're only 13...how can you be sure?" I feel sure, but she's raised doubts in my mind and now I don't know if I should come out anymore. what should I do?


Dear Friend's Reaction Made Me Doubt My Feeling That I'm Bisexual,

The only person in the world who can know your sexual orientation with absolute certainty is you. If you doubt what you feel simply because your friend doesn’t agree with you, then TeenHealthFX wants to let you know that is it okay for you to feel certain about how you see something even if the people around you have a different perspective.

If you feel that your friend’s reaction has raised some new thoughts or concerns, FX recommends you take some time to think about what is going on for you. Perhaps there is a part of you that has wondered whether you are really bisexual. Perhaps you are having second thoughts because you are now concerned that your friends will not be completely supportive of you. It would be helpful for you to better understand what is causing these doubts and how to deal with them.

It can be very difficult to figure issues like these out alone. FX thinks it would be very helpful for you to have a trusted adult whom you can speak to about this – someone to talk to about why you feel so certain that you are bisexual and someone who can help you to understand why your friend has you backing off of this certainty somewhat. With support and guidance from a caring, trusted adult, FX feels certain you can figure out how to handle this situation. You can speak to a parent, extended family member, school counselor or even a private therapist – anyone who can provide you with the warmth and understanding you need right now.

FX also wants you to remember that sometimes people will see what they want to see. And you may come across people in your life who will want to see you as straight rather than bisexual. That doesn’t mean that their reality has to be your truth. It also doesn’t mean they won’t come around to being able to see you and accept you for who you really are – they might just need some time to adjust to the new information they are being presented with.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

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