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How Can I Figure Out If I Am Bisexual Or A Lesbian?

Published: August 06, 2014
Dear How Can I Figure Out If I Am Bisexual Or A Lesbian?,

I'm 13 and i'm bisexual. Well I think I am. I am attracted to boys and girls, but sometimes I think i'm lesbian because I feel more attracted to girls. How can I figure out if i'm bisexual or lesbian?


Dear How Can I Figure Out If I Am Bisexual Or A Lesbian?,

TeenHealthFX would like you to consider this passage from an article TeensHealth wrote on Sexual Orientation, At What Age Do Kids “Know”?:

“Becoming aware of — and coming to terms with — one's sexual orientation can take some time. Thinking sexually about both the same sex and the opposite sex is quite common as teens sort through their emerging sexual feelings.

Some teens may experiment with sexual experiences, including those with members of the same sex, as they explore their own sexuality. But these experiences, by themselves, do not necessarily mean that a teen is gay or straight. For many teens, these experiences are simply part of the process of sorting through their emerging sexuality.”

Essentially what this means is that at 13 it is very possible that you are still exploring your own sexuality and in the process of figuring out who you are when it comes to the sexual side of you. If you are currently attracted to boys and girls, then you could consider yourself bisexual or you could look at it as being in the process of sorting through things when it comes to your sexuality. But all you can do is to look at where you are now. You can’t know for sure how all of this will unfold. Perhaps you will continue to be attracted to both sexes through the years and consider yourself bisexual. Perhaps you will find in time you are only attracted to females and will consider yourself a lesbian. Perhaps you will identify as being bisexual but choose one day to settle down with a man. There are many possibilities of what could be, so try not to stress about putting a label on it now, but rather to be open to seeing how things unfold.

If you find that you are struggling with anything related to your sexual orientation, then FX recommends you speak about it with a trusted adult who can provide you with the support and guidance you need. You could talk to a parent, extended family member, school counselor, or even a private therapist, such as a reputable clinical social worker or clinical psychologist. One of the most important things for teens as they deal with any issues around sexual orientation and their emerging sexuality is that they not feel alone in handling the thoughts and feelings that are coming up for them, but rather have someone to share them with.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

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