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My Bisexual Friend Doesn't Feel Loved Or Welcome In Her Home

Published: June 26, 2015
Dear My Bisexual Friend Doesn't Feel Loved Or Welcome In Her Home,

Please, answer ASAP,I'm writing here for a friend. She is bisexual, or was 'cause she is just a mess since her parents discovered her with another girl. Needless to say, they didn't take it well. They have been telling her things like 'thsi isn't really what you want' 'This is just a phase' or my favourites (note the sarcasm), her mother told her straight up 'How could you do this to me?' and 'what did I do wrong'. You get an idea of what she has been through, she doesn't feel so loved or welcome anymore and I don't get why, she is an A student and a good girl , Why would they do something this awful to her? She has an eating disorder, I know for sure, and she struggles with other issues too, every night she just feels like she doesn't want to keep existing..and it breaks my heart. I don't want to see her like this, she has a great future to come, I don't want to lose her. If I tell her parents that she needs profesional help they will say that this is none of my bussiness and that she is perfectly fine, or worse, they will blame the girlfriend when she is the one keeping her from doing anything stupid. Or what I fear most, they will blame my friend and if she feels like this is all her faylt..I can't even think what could happen. I don't know how to help her and it is so hard to see her and the girlfriend suffering so much, I'm asking how can I help her. I also want to know if you could contact a psycologhist without the parents permission being underage 'cause They are the cause and I think They would refuse. I don't have such a great relatipnship with her parents and it would be hard for me to talk about this when I can't even tell my own parents I need help. And no, we don't live in New Jersey. I am also asking you to remove this post after a week or so, it is very personal but I needed help I didn't know where else to go, we don't have a school conseulor.


Dear My Bisexual Friend Doesn't Feel Loved Or Welcome In Her Home,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate how difficult this must be for your friend and how hard it must be for you to watch her go through this. FX thinks that it is important for you both to have some supports, and therefore has a few suggestions:

The first is for your friend to understand that her parents’ reactions to her sexual orientation are a statement about them, not about her. They may have their own prejudices and difficulties focusing on the needs of their daughter (as opposed to what they are doing ,which is to focus on their own needs and wishes) – but this is a statement about who they are as people. It does not mean that something is wrong with your friend, that she is doing something wrong, or that she is unlovable in any way.

Second, it is very important that your friend has some kind of support in what she is going through. It might be helpful for her to start with some online and hotline resources if meeting with someone in person might be challenging. One great resource is the Trevor Project. She could check out their website, call their hotline (866-488-7386), Text or Chat online. You and your friend can also check out the CDC list of LGBT Resources – there are resources listed for LGBT youth, their friends and their family members.

Third, FX recommends that your friend direct her parents to PFLAG, so they can get the support and education they need so they can (hopefully) get to a place where they can be there for your friend in a loving, accepting way.

It would be wonderful for your friend if she could meet with a therapist for individual therapy and with her parents for family sessions to address the various issues you mentioned above. If your friend’s parents are unwilling to take her to a therapist, she could speak to your school nurse, a teacher or principal or the family doctor about the need to meet with someone so they could advocate for her to get the help she needs. She can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in her area.

Your friend could also educate herself more on sexual orientation. She could start by reading Planned Parenthood’s article on Sexual Orientation & Gender. She could also visit a Planned Parenthood clinic to talk to someone about these issues.

 

FX can appreciate this is a personal and sensitive topic for you and your friend. But rest assured that questions that come into the website are completely anonymous. We have received over 50,000 questions from all over the world to date, so nobody (including the staff members of TeenHealthFX) can possibly know or figure out who you are.

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