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Penetration is Difficult and Sometimes Painful for My Girlfriend

Published: February 07, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My girlfriend and I are having trouble having sex. We have tried, but either my penis is hasn't been able to enter her because of it being too big for her, or her vagina has been too tight. I think it has been a combination of both. One time I went in a little bit, but it hurt her. What can we do about this? Usually when using a finger in her vagina, she seems to have pain inside. So I have to stop. This has been the norm. I usually use lube, too! What can we do about this?
Signed: Penetration is Difficult and Sometimes Painful for My Girlfriend

Dear Penetration is Difficult and Sometimes Painful for My Girlfriend,

TeenHealthFX would like you and your girlfriend to consider how comfortable she is with being sexually active right now. Muscle tension is a very common physical symptom of anxiety. If being sexually active is causing your girlfriend any stress or anxiety, it is very possible that her vaginal muscles are tensing up when the two of you are physically intimate, making penetration difficult. It would be helpful for you and your girlfriend to talk about her sexual readiness in terms of whether she feels emotionally ready to be having sex, whether she is nervous about pregnancy or the transmission of STDs, or whether she is uncomfortable in terms of how being sexually active fits in with her religious, family or cultural beliefs.

If your girlfriend is not yet ready for sex, it is important that you do not pressure her and that she not pressure herself to do something she is not comfortable with. The fact is that if she is truly not ready, then it will not be a pleasant experience for either one of you in the end. If anything, it would end up being hurtful in some way to one or both of you, as well as the relationship.

If your girlfriend feels truly, emotionally ready for sex then you might consider lubrication (water or silicone-based only with latex and non-latex rubber condoms), as well as an increased amount of kissing and cuddling prior to attempting sex so that she will feel more relaxed. If you try these things and she is still experiencing pain, then it is important that she meet with her primary care physician, gynecologist or adolescent medicine so that a doctor can assess what the problem is and make recommendations on how to address the issue.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-5199 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

If you and your girlfriend decide to continue to be sexually active, FX recommends that you check out the links in our Resource of the Month: Planned Parenthood Resources on Safer Sex so that you can get information about safer sex, how pregnancy happens, birth control, STDs, pregnancy tests, emergency contraception and more. The more the two of you educate yourself about these topics, the more you will be able to make healthy decisions for yourself in terms of protecting against unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs, as well as ensuring that you are emotionally ready to be sexually active.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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