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Thinking of Having Sex with My Friend

Published: June 30, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi, So I'm 17 and a virgin. I'm interested in having sex with someone and I'm just not wanting a relationship right now. My guy friend is also in the same situation. We know each other fairly well and we've discussed having sex with each other but I see so many people saying no don't have sex with your friend you will get attached etc. I don't think I will get attached but he might. We've both clarified it's a no strings attached thing and I believe he won't tell anyone about us. Bottom line is: do you really think I should do this? And how do we make it less awkward? I don't find him incredibly attactive but I could have sex with him, will this make it difficult to have sex? Thanks for your help
Signed: Thinking of Having Sex with My Friend

Dear Thinking of Having Sex with My Friend,

TeenHealthFX is wondering why you are interested in having sex right now. Ideally sex is something that occurs between two people who care about each other and love each other very much. When sex happens for reasons other than that, especially for teens and young adults, very often there is something unhealthy driving it and the feelings that can follow are generally not positive. That said, FX suggests that you start by thinking about what is driving you to want to have sex right now and whether or not having sex at this point in time without any connection to emotional intimacy with someone would be healthy for you.

TeenHealthFX also thinks that it would be very helpful for you to consider your relationship with this friend and what may happen between the two of you if you do decide to have sex. You can ask yourself the following questions:

  • You said you don’t think your friend would tell anyone, but how would you feel if people found out somehow? Information has an amazing way of spreading, even if we’re not anticipating it.
  • You guys can “clarify” all you want, but it is impossible to predict what your emotional reactions will be if you have sex with one another. What would it be like for you if you started to feel emotionally attached? What would it be like for you if you regretted it? What would it be like for you if your friend’s feeling for you changed into something more romantic or if it made him distance himself from you?

 

TeenHealthFX has some concerns about your emotional well-being if you decide to have sex just for the sake of having sex rather than having it be connected to a strong emotional attachment and attraction between you and someone else. However, at the end of the day it is obviously your decision to make. And if you do decide to have sex with your friend, FX strongly encourages you to speak to your doctor about safer sex precautions. Doctors generally recommend that teens and young adults who choose to be sexually active use condoms each and every time they have sex to protect against unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs, as well as a back-up method of birth control such as the pill or birth control shot. Your doctor can make the best recommendations for you and discuss with you how to use properly use birth control to maximize its effectiveness.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-5199 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. A Planned Parenthood health center is a good option if you have concerns about cost or confidentiality issues. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

FX also suggests that you and your friend check out the links in our Resource of the Month: Planned Parenthood Resources on Safer Sex so that you can learn about sexual readiness, how pregnancy happens, pregnancy tests, emergency contraception, birth control, STDs and more. The more educated you are about these topics, the more likely you will make healthy decisions for yourself when it comes to your sexual health.

To learn more about sexual readiness, you can also read the TeenHealthFX Hot Topic, When Am I Ready for Sex?

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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