Ex-Boyfriend Wanted To Exchange Sex For Pot

Published: December 19, 2013
Dear Ex-Boyfriend Wanted To Exchange Sex For Pot,

I was hanging out with my ex-boyfriend and he asked if i wanted to smoke weed. i'd actually stopped using for months, and he knew about that, but as soon as he said marijuana, i had an overwhelming desire for the pot. i didn't really care about hanging out with him i just wanted the drugs. So that was fine until i went to pay him for them and he said he didn't want the money. he wanted to have sex. So i gave him what he wanted. I feel like i was totally out of control and that i whored myself out for weed. I don't want to do this again but he asked me to hang out again and said we could smoke. i feel like i took advantage of the opportunity to use and that he knows that but would be willing to put me in that situation again so he can get laid. i don't feel like i should blame him for it but I'm afraid I'm becoming an addict in more ways than one. I'm scared of what I'm doing and I want to get help please help me

Dear Ex-Boyfriend Wanted To Exchange Sex For Pot,

TeenHealtFX would not use the work “blame” in terms of what you ex-boyfriend is doing because this situation is not entirely his fault. However, we do think it is okay for you to hold him responsible for his actions. What he is doing is extremely uncaring towards you, and he is accountable if how he relates to you is to try and exploit a vulnerable side of you. While he is certainly contributing to this situation of exchanging sex for pot, you are also responsible for your own part in this situation. And if you are scared of what you are doing, then FX thinks that it is important for you to take a look at your part and figure out how you can prevent yourself from getting caught up in a situation like this again.

FX has three concerns about what you described: What is going on for you emotionally that you are feeling so drawn towards using drugs? What is going on for you emotionally that you were ok about sleeping with your ex for the pot? Did you put yourself at any risk for unwanted pregnancies or the transmission of STDs in terms of whether or not you used birth control when you slept with him? To address these three concerns, FX would recommend the following:

  • Let your parents know that you are having strong urges towards using drugs. It is important that they know how you are feeling so they can get you the help you need and be there for you as a support.
  • It would be helpful for you and your parents to educate yourselves about Drug Abuse Treatment.
  • Meet with a mental health professional, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist. A therapist can help you to understand what is creating these urges in you to use pot, as well as to help you come up with resources and supports that you can use when you have urges to use and you need someone to speak to immediately. A therapist can also help you look at your feelings about sex and being intimate with other people since what you described sounds somewhat emotionally detached in terms of sleeping with someone for drugs.
  • Educate yourself on the short- and long-term health effects of marijuana, as well as the link between drug use and STDs.
  • Let this ex know that you are not interested in getting any more drugs from him and that you will not be sleeping with again either.
  • Come up with a list of people you could call if you are tempted to use: a parent, extended family member, therapist, friend – someone who will look out for what is in your best interest and not try to exploit the vulnerable position you are in right now.
  • If you had unprotected sex, consider meeting with your doctor to discuss whether STD testing would be advisable. If you think you might be sexually active again, discuss the most effective and appropriate birth control methods for you that will help to protect you against unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDS.

FX can appreciate that you are feeling concerned by your recent feelings, thoughts, and behavior. We think the best way to start is to reach out to people who can provide you with the support and guidance you need right now.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-5199 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.