I Seem To Shut Them Out
I just want to ask, I’m really tired of my life, it sounds stupid but I really am, I'm really depressed all the time! Nothing seems to make me smile and when I do, it’s to hide away what I actually feel. I have so much bad past that never leaves my head. I cope by cutting and it helps I feel alive and don't feel invisible. I’ve been thinking about suicide too much, I always think how much I don't want to be here and that no one would notice I’m gone. My Nan found out I self harmed and took me to the doctors, they said to see a counselor, but I haven't been able to go, I can’t describe how I feel, there's so much I want to say but never leaves my mouth. I really hate my life and can’t seem to trust anyone, even people who actually care for me, I seem to not tell them or shut them out. I really need some help, I'm sick of thinking the things I do. Please help?
It is so important that you follow up on your doctor’s recommendation and see a counselor. The thought of opening up to someone may seem draining to you right now but it is critical in learning to cope with what you have been going through. By not talking with someone about your feelings and thoughts the more you isolate yourself. Being stuck inside your head with all these negative feelings is bound to lead to feelings of depression and thoughts of suicide. There are much more effective and less harmful ways to cope with difficult emotions then cutting.
Talk to your parents or Nan and let them know that you want to follow up with the doctor’s recommendation. You should share with them what you have been experiencing or wait until you get to the therapy session. Getting there is the first step in the journey. As you build trust with your therapist, opening up with get easier and you will become more at ease in communicating your feelings. Right now you are stuck in a bad place and you need to take some action. TeenHealthFX realizes that seems like a very big task to you right now but it is essential that you do it. Suffering alone and in silence is not an option. Talk to your parents or Nan about making an appointment today.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Atlantic Health at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week