In Love With The Blood And A Boy

Published: December 03, 2012
Dear In Love With The Blood And A Boy,
I have recently moved, and switched schools. I have a few friends now, but not many, and I get picked on a bunch. Mixed in with many other things, the stress of dealing with people at school has caused me to self-harm again after being clean for two years. The problem is, there's a guy I like, and he basically said he'd like me too if I didn't cut. I try so hard not to show my scars and to recover but it's so difficult, and I contemplate suicide more and more as the bullying at school and home gets worse. I really think if I had someone who loved me, that I could talk to, I would have an easier time. So how can explain to the guy I like that I'm trying my hardest to stop? Or is there any way I could explain to him and get him to understand and love me the way I am, then help me through it? Signed, In Love With Both The Blood And A Boy.

Dear In Love With The Blood And A Boy,

TeenHealthFX thinks the first thing you need to do is to start meeting with a reputable therapist, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist, who has experience working with teens and with self-harming behaviors. A therapist could be beneficial to you in terms of working with you on developing alternate coping mechanisms so you don’t rely on self-harming behaviors, as well as addressing the underlying issues that contribute to your urges to self-harm. A therapist could work with you on this issue of being picked on by your peers and can help you get to a point where you are not so distraught that you are contemplating suicide. While your relationship with a therapist is not the same as with a family member, friend, or boyfriend, it might feel very good to you and helpful to you to have a caring, trustworthy person who can be there for you with a listening ear and with guidance and support.

As for this guy, once you have started therapy, you can say something like, “I know you said you would want a relationship with me if I weren’t cutting. I want to let you know that this has been a problem for me, but it is something I am working towards stopping. I have started therapy and I’m hoping that my therapist and I can work on this together. But I need you to know that it might take time. Just like someone trying to quit smoking – the change probably won’t happen overnight, but will take time, work, and support from the people around them. So what I want to know is whether or not my working towards this goal is enough for you or you need this to be completely resolved before you would get involved with me?” You need to be prepared that you might not hear the answer you want, but if you want to know where he stands, this is the easiest way to find out. And if he is not ready for a relationship right now, that is something else you can get comfort and support from your therapist with.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), available 24 hours a day, or the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

You can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.