What Classifies An Abusive Relationship?

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
im 16/f, my boyfriend is 17. to summarize things up...we have been dating for 2 years now. and right now things are perfect!however, he tends to be more jealous,but thinks he can do things i can't sometimes. he checks my phone (calls/texts/contacts). sometimes when he is angry he can be violent by punching walls,telling me what to do (and if i don't do it he'll "make me do it") and he has asked if he ever hit me if i'd break up w/him and when i said of course he was like why!? but says he's thought about it before. do you think that means he considers it or its just crossed his mind? also, i feel kinda pressured sexually w/him. i mean i want to sometimes but someimes he kinda forces it. but he CAN be the sweetest guy to me and shows me how much i mean to him! like he takes me out all the time and takes care of me. im basically part of his family now. im so confused. what exactly classifies an abusive relationship? we're happy but sometimes he tends to do things i don't think a bf should say or do! please help me!!
Signed: What Classifies An Abusive Relationship?

Dear What Classifies An Abusive Relationship?,

 

TeenHealthFX is very concerned about you and this relationship. There are several things you mentioned that are definite red flags of this being an abusive relationship: your boyfriend is the jealous type, he has a different set of rules of what he is allowed to do and what you are allowed to do, he checks your phone and checks up on what you are doing and who you are with, he gives you orders about what to do or “makes” you do things, he can be physically violent, he doesn’t understand why you would end the relationship if he hit you and why that would be such a serious concern, and he pressures/forces you into sexual activity. In what you are describing there is a definite lack of respect and trust in how he is treating you, and he is acting towards you in a controlling and forceful way. It doesn’t matter if he is sweet sometimes, takes you out or takes care of you in certain ways. An abusive relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that the abuser is acting in a problematic way 24/7. So just because there are moments where he is good guy, it does not erase or simply make up for the times when he is acting in a hurtful or inappropriate manner. FX seriously recommends that you evaluate this relationship and it’s impact on your well-being, and that you talk about your concerns with a trusted adult.

 

FX would also like you to read the answer to “Could I Be In An Abusive Relationship” under the Rape, Abuse and Violence section of the website. This question/answer will give you more information about how to tell whether or not you are in an abusive relationship, as well as information and resources you can use to safely get out of an abusive relationship.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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