Did He Have The Right Because We Are Dating

Published: October 31, 2014
Dear TeenHealthFX,

My ex and I dated for a total of year, we broke up three times. We were watching a movie together and when it was over he grabbed my arms and forced me to kiss him. He pushed me down onto the couch on my back and started to slide his hands under my shirt while kissing me, I told him to stop but he wouldn't. He picked me up and started grabbing my butt while making out with me. Then he started kissing me down my neck as he slid his hand down my back and between my legs. I told him to let me go and he started kissing me again and rubbing between my legs. I told him to stop again and he got mad and pushed me off of him. Now i keep having nightmares about it and I have moderate panic attacks when I see him at school. What would this be called? If I'm in therapy should I tell my therapist? Did he have the right to do this since we were dating?


Dear Did He Have The Right Because We Are Dating,

No one has a right a right to force you into sexual acts even if you were married, let alone dating. What he did meets the criteria for Criminal Sexual Assault and it is a serious crime. Not only did you not give your consent but he continued after you clearly told him to stop. A caring thoughtful person simply does not do that and that behavior is not condoned by our legal system.  

You should absolutely tell your therapist as soon as possible about what happened to you. Too often when the victim of a sexual assault remains silent, letting the trauma eat away at her/him.  . The victim starts to blame themselves and their self-worth begins to diminish. 

 

Sometimes when a person is in therapy they are reluctant to tell the therapist (or a person in a position of authority) because she/he fears the  therapist will be obligated to call the police. There are certain circumstance where that would be the case, but those situations usually involve minors where the offender is in a custodial position. It probably would be a good idea to contact the  Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) so you can start to process what happened instead of being stuck inside your head thinking about it constantly. 

 

Telling your therapist also means that you don’t have to deal with this on your own. Your therapist can also help you communicate what happened to your parents. That may not be something you want to do right now but there support can help the healing process. 

 

That last thing you want to do is feel like you did anything wrong. He hurt you and he had no right to. There is no excuse for that.

 

No one has a right a right to force you into sexual acts even if you were married, let alone dating. What he did meets the criteria for Criminal Sexual Assault and it is a serious crime. Not only did you not give your consent but he continued after you clearly told him to stop. A caring thoughtful person simply does not do that and that behavior is not condoned by our legal system.

 

You should absolutely tell your therapist as soon as possible about what happened to you. Too often when the victim of a sexual assault remains silent, letting the trauma eat away at her/him.  . The victim starts to blame themselves and their self-worth begins to diminish.

 

Sometimes when a person is in therapy they are reluctant to tell the therapist (or a person in a position of authority) because she/he fears the  therapist will be obligated to call the police. There are certain circumstance where that would be the case, but those situations usually involve minors where the offender is in a custodial position. It probably would be a good idea to contact the  Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) so you can start to process what happened instead of being stuck inside your head thinking about it constantly.

 

Telling your therapist also means that you don’t have to deal with this on your own. Your therapist can also help you communicate what happened to your parents. That may not be something you want to do right now but there support can help the healing process.

 

That last thing you want to do is feel like you did anything wrong. He hurt you and he had no right to. There is no excuse for that.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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