It is understandable that you are having a hard time handling these thoughts. The thoughts you mention can be scary especially when you don't know what to do.
TeenHealthFX recommends you talk to your parents or another trusted adult, so they can help you get professional help as soon as possible. TeenHealthFX cannot diagnose over the internet but if you live in Northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist, you can call the Access Center for Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400.
If you get to a point that you are seriously considering hurting yourself or others, you must seek help immediately. Call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room. The Northern New Jersey crisis hotline from Morristown Medical Center is 973-540-0100. Outside of this area call the Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 or Text "Home" to 741741. All mentioned options are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.