How Can I Stop Being So Insecure?

Published: July 16, 2012
Dear How Can I Stop Being So Insecure?,

How can I stop being so insecure (worrying what others are going to think about me?) Does this require that I boost my confidence?

Dear How Can I Stop Being So Insecure?,

Figuring out how to feel better about yourself is best done by getting a better understanding of what has been contributing to your insecurities in the first place. Some things that could contribute to a person feeling insecure:

  • Not feeling sufficiently loved or adequately special to parents/caregivers.
  • Dealing with some kind of physical, emotional, or cognitive impairment – especially if you have been teased or bullied because of it.
  • Feeling different in some way from peers (this could include things like physical appearance, cultural differences, socio-economic status, sexual orientation and more).
  • Not feeling a sense of pride or accomplishment in any area of your life (i.e., being an accomplished student, a good writer, a good singer, a talented athlete, good with children, etc.)
  • Being in relationships with people who are negative or put you down
  • Being easily influenced by media when it comes to what is beautiful, what is cool, what is “in.”
  • Having a parent/guardian who is anxious or insecure.

Depending on what you feel has contributed to your insecurities will influence what you need to do to change things. Perhaps you need to mend family relationships that have contributed to your sense of self-worth. Or maybe you need to find something you feel you are especially good at – something that will help you to feel special and proud of yourself. If you are dealing with any kind of disabilities or peer issues, you might need to work on coping strategies to help you deal in a more positive way.

If you are having trouble figuring out what has lead you to feel insecure and what you can do to help the situation, then FX strongly recommends that you reach out to someone who can provide you with some support and guidance as this can be a tricky thing to do on your own. You could speak to a parent, an extended family member, or even a private therapist or a counselor at school. If you are feeling alone or lost with this in any way, it is critical that you reach out to someone who can be there for you in a warm and non-judgmental way.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.