Emotional Health

Is It Considered Rape if He is My Boyfriend?

Published: July 27, 2021
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi. I'm looking for advice about my boyfriend. I'm 15f btw. My parents died a few years ago. I live with my grandma. Last year we got a new neighbor on her street(my bf). He's really nice usually and he does stuff around the house for us. He asked me out and I said no at first because he's 26 and I didn't think I was allowed. But he asked my grandma and she said yes. Tbh I still didn't know if I wanted to but he is really nice to me. He bought me flowers like 3 times and a necklace and he always says I look pretty and stuff. He's really hot too. Anyway we went to dinner and he was really respectful and asked me to be his girlfriend and I said okay. We have been together for a while now and nothing really changed except we will kiss and stuff. But a couple weeks ago I was at his house and he asked me to spend the night. I said no but he said he already asked my grandma and she was planning for me to stay with him. He's my first bf so I was a virgin. I was planning to stay one until I got married or until I was with someone I loved atleast. I mean I really like him but I just wasn't ready. Anyway, he made me have sex. I mean it's not like he raped me bc we are dating but he wouldn't listen. He even slapped me...it was just on the leg but it hurt. I was planning to break up with him but when I told my grandma she didn't want me to. She said boys are like that but he's good to us. And he said he'd be gentle if I stop trying to stop him. I just feel like no one is listening to me. School is out and covid makes it hard to see my friends. I feel like the only two people I see don't care what I want. I know it's not true they both take care of me...it just feels that way.
Signed: Is It Considered Rape if He is My Boyfriend?
Dear Is It Considered Rape if He is My Boyfriend?,

TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear about what you are going through and the loss of your parents. You are right in feeling that no one seems to care about your feelings or what you want. We want to point that even though he is your boyfriend and your grandma gave him permission to date you, in some states it is still an illegal relationship and it is also still considered rape. When it comes to sexual assault, no is no regardless if they are a friend, family member, boyfriend/girlfriend, or spouse.

We strongly recommend reaching out to another trusted adult, doctor or even the school. Even though school is out for summer, there are school counselors and administrators who work over the summer and can help you. In addition, you could also call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (800-656-4673). You’ll be connected to a trained staff member from a local sexual assault service provider in your area. You can also click here to find a local RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) affiliate or use the RAINN Online Hotline for confidential, one-on-one, crisis support 24/7. You can chat with a trained staff member who will provide you with information and referrals through a secure chat format, or simply offer a safe place to talk about what happened.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-5199 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or you can call the Atlantic Behavioral Health ACCESS Center at 1-888-247-1400. You can also check out our sexuality resource page by clicking here.  If you feel you need immediate assistance, call 911.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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