Is The Real World Just Stress And Doing Stuff I Hate?

Published: May 20, 2013
Dear Is The Real World Just Stress And Doing Stuff I Hate?,

I'm afraid to ask for help, and I'm pretty sure I need it. Ever since I was little, I've always been very shy, and alone. I've never had a real good friend, and the few that I have had, have always back stabbed me. In school, I am very stressed out, thanks to my English class. Every time I try to talk to my mom about it, she just goes on about "welcome to the real world" and how "I should get use to it". My stress levels are so high, that I came home from play rehearsals tonight, and was crying while writing my report. I don't think homework should make me cry? I've also been having suicidal thoughts, although I'm sure I could never go though with it. I mean, if this is how the real world is, if its going to be nothing but stress and doing stuff that I hate, what's really the point? I'm afraid to ask for help, from my mom, because I know she'll tell me to suck it up. From my teacher, because every time to do, I just come back more confused than how I was. And from my peers in fear of them judging me. I just can't keep doing this.

Dear Is The Real World Just Stress And Doing Stuff I Hate?,

It sounds to TeenHealthFX like one of your biggest concerns about how the “real world” might be is a fear that the world might be filled with people who are not going to be interested in being caring or compassionate. You have described friends who have stabbed you in the back, a concern of peers being judgmental, and a view that your mother will be (and has been) dismissive of what you are going through. This probably has not painted a good picture for you of what to expect from people in general. And it can be hard thinking of feeling optimistic and motivated to go out into the world when there is a real concern that people will not be loving or protective of us.

That said, FX thinks it is very important for you to meet with a reputable mental health professional, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist. It is important that you find a therapist who you experience as warm and non-judgmental who you can talk to about your feelings about people (specifically how much you do or don’t see them as being interested in being caring) and how this affects you. You can start off by asking your mother to set up a consultation for you. Let her know that you are feeling depressed to the point where you have had suicidal thoughts, so that this is not something you can ignore (or “suck up”). If she continues not to get help for you, speak to your school social worker or school psychologist and ask them to intervene on your behalf so that sessions can be set up with a therapist. It will feel scary to reach out for help, particularly because you have not experienced other people as really wanting to be there for you in a supportive way. But know that there are people out there who do care and who will want to be helpful to you. You just need to reach out to some of the people around you until you find one of those caring adults who will want to listen to you, help you and intervene on your behalf. It may be hard to imagine, but they do exist!

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), available 24 hours a day, or the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

If you need some additional support, if you live in New Jersey you can call 2NDLFOOR, a confidential and anonymous helpline for teens and young adults, at 1-888-222-2228. If you aren’t from NJ, please call your local United Way or 211 for assistance and support.