Feeling All Negative Thoughts
Hi. I'm a Teenager, I live in the PHILIPPINES. Today, I'm feeling all of negative thoughts. My mother plus my siblings, I thought they really know me. But, I was wrong. As I grow up, I knew that they know what I really am. That they fully understand, but that is just a False-Belief. My mother told me that I'm worthless,I'm a mistake,she compares me to my sister,she want me to change to become a person I don't know, she says I'm better off, my sister supports her, my gay brother say hurtful things to me, the way they act is like I'm not part of the family (except my father, he accepts me for what I am),they don't understand me, I threaten myself that I would commit SUICIDE to see that they actually care, I try to understand them but they never understand me, they want me to be perfect, my actions is what makes me, my sister she gets all she want(my mothers attention), she listen to her, making me isolated, I share my feelings that my heart almost lost so many blood(they don't care), I cry(they don't care), my sister has a job and I'm in 9th Grade(they are pushing me to hard), my mom say's I don't have a chance in life, my mom says that why am I like this, she says I'm such a child(My age grew but my actions never,that's what she say), she's making me lose my self esteem(I get from my friends). She don't trust me. She thinks I'm a devil. I want to die and torture them to let them know how it feels.
Expecting someone to be perfect is completely unrealistic. One way to guarantee that the person is not even going to come even remotely close, is to shatter their self-esteem. What your mother, sister and brother have been doing to you is abusive. You don’t need to “torture” some to get them to see how you feel. They should be aware that constantly putting someone down, negating their value and isolating them serves no purpose and does damage.
For your mother not to see how hurtful her comments are is unfortunate and hard to understand. You did not say much about your father other that you feel accepted by him. If he is still in the house maybe he could monitor the situation and point out to your mother and siblings how hurtful their behavior has been. If he does not live with you then maybe a change of residence might be possible.
No matter what your mother wants, in the end, you have to be who you are and not play a role that you think will make your mother happy. There is no doubt she makes it difficult but it is possible to succeed with the help of others along the way. You have your father as well as a group of friends who make you feel good about yourself. Use these supports as well as other positive connections you have formed as a reflection of your self-worth and as fuel for success.
There will always be negative people along the way, but they only have the power you give them.