My Mom Found Out I Tried to Kill Myself
You didn’t mention anything about mental health treatment, so TeenHealthFX is going to assume you are not receiving any treatment right now. If that is the case then it is very important that you reach out to someone who can help you to find a reputable therapist, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist. FX suggests that you speak to someone at school about what is going on, such as a guidance counselor, your school nurse or the school social worker. Any of them can intervene on your behalf to ensure you are getting the mental health treatment that you need.
Therapy is very important right now for a variety of reasons. For one thing, a therapist can help you with whatever factors have contributed to your suicide attempts and your feeling that you don’t want to exist. In addition, a therapist can work with your mother to help her better understand what you are going through and how to be supportive of you. A therapist can also assess whether it would be helpful for you to meet with a psychiatrist to see if you could benefit from psychotropic medication. It is important to find a therapist who has experience working with teenagers, but also someone who you experience as warm and non-judgmental so that you feel comfortable working with them.
It sounds like you trust your boyfriend and best friend and that you feel good when you are with them. If they go to your school, perhaps they could go with you when you go to speak to a school staff member to give you some support. But please speak to someone as soon as possible. It is important for you to have support from some trusted adults at school and for someone to ensure you are getting the mental health treatment you need outside of school.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), available 24 hours a day, or the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.