Straight Guy With Gay Friend Interested In Me

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
i have a friend who is gay and ive heard that he likes me (im a guy too) Im in a flirty kind of unnoficial relationship with a girl i want to stay friends with him, but just friends, how do i explain this without upsetting him too much? thank you.
Signed: Straight Guy With Gay Friend Interested In Me

Dear Straight Guy With Gay Friend Interested In Me,

 

TeenHealthFX checked in with members of our Teen Advisory Committee for this question. The consensus of the TAC was that if your friend has not said something to you directly about having feelings for you beyond just a friendship, it would be better not to bring it up with him. For one thing, you could have misinformation about this given it is coming to you from a third party and not from your friend directly. Second, even if it is true, your friend is probably aware that you are not gay and may prefer not to discuss these feelings with you because he is clear nothing more than a friendship is possible between the two of you anyways.

The TAC did agree that if your friend does say something to you about having feelings for you, that it is certainly a good idea to explain to him that while you may be flattered in how he feels for you, the fact is that you are straight and therefore want to just continue to be friends with him. What might be helpful in this situation is to reassure your friend that you appreciate his honesty, that you hope this doesn’t become too difficult of a situation for him, and that you are fine to talk about it further if it ever seems like it is negatively affecting the friendship.

 

What the staff of FX will add to the feedback given by our TAC is that you obviously know your friend better than we do and have a better sense of the relationship between the two of you. If you think that this issue is going to feel like the “elephant in the room” that creates a sense of awkwardness between you, than it might be better for you to just put it out there and have an open, honest discussion with your friend about where you are at. Rather than have any tension or weirdness grow between the two of you, it would be better to say something to your friend like, “I heard that you may have feelings for me that go beyond a friendship and I just wanted to check in with you if that’s true or not – because if it is true, than we should really talk about it.”

If you find you need some guidance on how to handle this, you can also talk with one of your parents or a school counselor if that would help you to decide how you want to proceed with this.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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