Tired Of The Junior High Drama

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am in a relationship with a boy, who I really like, in fact I think I love him. But two of my friends do not approve of the relationship. One of my mad friends has dated the boy I'm with, but while in the relationship she had another crush, which eventually lead to her dumping my current boyfriend and going with another guy. Since she dumped him and has another boy, I really didn't think it would be problematic if I went out with him, I'd liked him even when he was with my friend. But she is very mad,even writing awful letters, spreading gossip, and trying to turn people against me, which is hurtful and confusing to me as well as to her new boy. I really don't want to start any fights, but I know this girl does not let things go easily. She has never been a very close friend but I don't want to upset the very delicate balance that is junior high. Any advice on my situation? Signed: Tired of all the drama
Signed: Tired Of The Junior High Drama

Dear Tired Of The Junior High Drama,


TeenHealthFX checked in with our Teen Advisory Committee (TAC) about the dilemma you are in, and they had the following suggestions:

·         Depending on how comfortable you feel, you could approach this girl and let her know that you are really confused about what has been going on. Tell her that given that she broke up with this guy and is currently dating someone new, it didn’t even occur to you that your starting a relationship with this person would be a problem. Again, let her know that you are really confused about why this has become such a huge problem.

·         Depending on your comfort level, you could try a stronger approach with this person and tell her that what she is doing is not okay. In taking this approach it is very important not to raise your voice, not to present as agitated, and not to engage in any kind of argument if she tries to escalate things. All you have to say is something like, “I started dating this person after you broke up with him. Given that you ended the relationship with him and are in a relationship with someone new, I have done nothing wrong and it is not okay for you to be spreading rumors, writing hurtful letters, and all the rest.” If she tries to argue or start a fight, it is important to calmly say, “I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to argue. I just need you to know that what you are doing is not okay.” And then walk away.

·         Depending on the situation, the best thing might be for your parents and guidance counselor to get involved and deal with this girl (and her parents) directly on your behalf.

In deciding what you want to do and how you want to approach this person (if at all), our TAC highly recommends that you check in with a trusted adult for some support and guidance. At the very least, it would be helpful to involve your school guidance counselor and your parents. FX doesn’t know how old you are, how comfortable you are in dealing with this on your own, and what some of the issues with this girl may be. All of these are important factors in how you deal with this, so please reach out for help with this situation before proceeding in any particular way.  

Signed: TeenHealthFX