Can't Let Go Of Boyfriend's Mistake - Is This Normal?

Published: May 29, 2013
Dear Can't Let Go Of Boyfriend's Mistake - Is This Normal?,

should this still be bothering me? my boyfriend and i have been dating now for over a year. i love him so much but i am always thinking of one time when he messed up. before we were datting when we were just "talking" and at the begining of starting a relationship he went to a party and took somepills and endded up hooking up with a girl. he stoped talking to me for a few days then finally told me and said it was stupid and he never wanted to hurt me again. he has not done anything like that sense we have been going out but everytime i see a girl on his facebook or one of his ex's talk to him i freak out on him and that is not healthy or fair! is this normal and how can i move pass this?

Dear Can't Let Go Of Boyfriend's Mistake - Is This Normal?,

TeenHealthFX is glad you are writing into us about this. To constantly feel concerned that your boyfriend is going to cheat on you is a very distressing place for you to be. But it is probably difficult for your boyfriend as well for you to “freak out on him” when his behavior over the past year suggests that he has been faithful to you. FX thinks it’s great that you are aware this is a problem and that you want to do something about it – for your sake, your boyfriend’s sake and the sake of your relationship.

FX did check in with our teen advisory group and they recommended that you remind yourself of three things: The first is that is sounds like he hooked up with this girl before he made an exclusive commitment to you. The second is that it sounds like he was truly remorseful of his actions and has made good on his promise not to do anything like that again. The third is for you to remind yourself of his behavior over the past year – and if he has been acting like a caring, faithful boyfriend to you, to treat him as such.

If you find that you are unable to let this go, then FX thinks it would be helpful for you to talk to a trusted adult about it such as a parent, school counselor or even a private therapist who can help you to better understand what is driving your distress about this and how to better manage these feelings so they don’t negatively impact you and the relationship.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.