Hurt By Best Friend

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi I need major help here, your the only people I can trust and get good answers from. My best friend who is 14 [a year older than me] started hanging out with this girl. and my friend goes to her house and spends the night like every other day. and she told me that one day she was there and her and the other girl invited to guys over and they smoked salvia and drank alot of vodka and alchohol and then my friend had sex with both the guys and her other friend and they took showers together, and one of the guys sucked on her breasts and all over her neck. and she gave them oral sex. and now she has hickies all over her chest and neck. and whenever i call her she says she is at that girls house. Also she says that she doesn't wair condoms cause "guys can hold in the sperm" Anyway I feel really hurt and down lately and I don't know what to do cause my best friend the girl i used to share time with and watch movies with has turned into a monster that i dont even know. and I feel like she has left me to the point where I can't even talk to her about my life and feelings. I always tell her to stop and she says "okay, to this day i am never having sex or drinking again" but then later she is at my door step asking to "hang out" where she will then tell me that she smoked, drank, and had sex. I cannot be her friend anymore cause she lies to me, and hurts me. PLEASE HELP YOUR MY LAST HOPE SIGNED: HURT BY BEST FRIEND
Signed: Hurt By Best Friend

Dear Hurt By Best Friend,

 

TeenHealthFX can definitely appreciate your pain and frustration here. It can be very difficult to see people we care about making unhealthy decisions, such as having unprotected sex and abusing drugs and alcohol. It can also be a tough situation to deal with when a good friend starts down a different path than we are on that ends up putting distance in the relationship.

 

FX recommends that you let your friend know how concerned you are that she is having unprotected sex and participating in underage drinking and drug use. Be clear with her that unprotected sex can put a person at risk for transmitting STIs, as well as unwanted pregnancies from the sperm in ejaculatory fluids and pre-ejaculatory fluids (“pre-cum” that can still be there even when a man “pulls out”). And stand firm that abusing drugs and alcohol puts her at risk for many different emotional and physical short- and long-term effects. Let her know that you do not see that there is any way to justify her behaviors or to see them as okay – and that you are not going to be able to continue the friendship if she continues to make such unhealthy and self-destructive decisions. You can even let her know that you will be telling an adult about what she is doing because if she cannot stop herself from such behaviors she obviously needs an adult to intervene for her own well-being.

 

Be prepared that your friend may choose to end her relationship with you whether you tell an adult or not about what is happening. Participating in the drug/alcohol use and sexual behaviors with these people sounds like it is currently (and unfortunately) being prioritized for your friend - so she may not want to give it up. In the end, you cannot control what she does with her life – but you can control who you are friends with and the type of people you choose to spend your time with. If this girl stops what she is doing for the sake of your friendship, it would be wonderful. But if she doesn’t, and you find that it is just too painful to continue with the friendship, than you may have to let her go as a friend and put your time and energy in forming new friendships with peers who make healthier decisions and who can be there for you in a caring way.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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