Tried To Keep My Friend Safe And Now She Wants Nothing To Do With Me
I'm 17 next month and my (now ex) best friend is 16. I found out she was dating an almost 23 year old man, she just turned 16 this month. Her parents got her a cell phone for her birthday. She met the man through her oldest sister who used to be his roommate. He then moved away a few provinces, but from what I found out he planned on coming for her after they had been texting and secretly dating. They would go on webcam in the bath/shower together, and he sent her a lot of pictures. I told one of her oldest sisters that we weren't friends anymore because of him and I ended up telling her why after debating over it for two days. Her sister tried talking to her about it, then I got a Facebook message from my friend saying again that I need to stay out of her life, calling me names and stuff. Then she called me and my step dad was there. She hung up on me after screaming at me and I ended up telling my stepdad what happened. He called her parents and now they know everything. She hates me and said our past friendship that lasted over a year is nothing anymore. Her parents did take her phone. I feel bad for her knowing she probably feels her life is ruined now. My intent wasn't to get her in trouble, but to get her safe. I love her too much. Even If I kept quiet to salvage the friendship, I wouldn't have been able to sit and watch her do that with a grown man who has a child. She talked of giving her virginity to him... What would a 22 YO man want to do with a 16 YO kid, other than sexual things? So we're not friends anymore, she blocked all contact from me. I'm gonna miss her.
A romantic relationship between a 16 year old and a 22 year old is something to be concerned about. Your instincts told you that there was something potentially unhealthy and unsafe about your friend being involved with someone 6 years older than she is, and TeenHealthFX can appreciate why you would have this fear. FX supports your decision to speak to her sister and your step-father so that responsible adults could intervene on your friend’s behalf. It took courage for you to do this, since FX can imagine that a part of you may have wondered how angry she would be or that she might want to end the friendship. But you put her needs above yours, and that is what being a true friend is.
It sounds like your friend is very angry right now. She may feel betrayed by you, that you wanted to “ruin” her life, and that you were not a good friend to her. But hopefully in time she will come to see that your actions came out of a caring place and not from wanting to be hurtful to her. And hopefully her parents and the other adults in her life will not just act in a punishing or punitive way towards her about this relationship, but help her to come to a place where she better understands why she was drawn to being with someone so much older and the unhealthy nature of that kind of relationship.
FX invites you to have faith in your decision to let people know what was going on with your friend and not to second-guess yourself or worry that you did something wrong. FX also invites you to give yourself some time to grieve the loss of this friendship. FX can imagine that you may have many feelings over losing your friend – and it is important for you to give yourself the space to deal with these feelings. If you find you need any support or guidance in dealing with this situation and/or the feelings coming up for you, then speak to someone in your family, a school counselor, or any other trusted adult who you feel can be there for you in a healthy, responsible way.