Fake Friend

Published: February 28, 2014
Dear TeenHealthFX,

Dear Teen Health FX, Let me start off by saying your site has helped me a lot in the past and I appreciate what you are doing. I have a question about my friend I've known for 10 years now. We were best friends when we were very young and we kind of separated then we became close again last year. I realized that since I befriended her I don't have but a few other close friends compared to how many I used to have. When I talk about things I like she doesn't listen, she's extremely clingy and dependent on me like I'm her mother (especially in social situations), when someone else comes along that wants to talk to her (which doesn't occur often) she totally excludes me regardless of how kind I am to her, she gets jealous over EVERYTHING, and copies almost everything I do! I've also noticed she really isn't social; she only invites me over and occasionally another girl. She is also kind of strange around this other girl she sometimes hangs out with. We are going to high school next year and unless I make an effort to hang out with her I probably won't see her much. Should I find new friends next year? and could she be a fake friend?

Dear Fake Friend,

It is not so much that she is a “fake friend.” She seems to be an insecure dependent person, who is not comfortable with herself. As a result she needs someone to be around her, to serve a human security blanket. TeenHealthFX doesn’t think it is done in a calculating way but it does cause the relationship to be very one sided. Because she is so needy, she does not have a lot to put into the friendship but in turn requires a lot of attention. The situation is probably starting to feel very controlling to you, and in many ways, it is. Her demanding ways are probably the reason your friendship circle is not as big as you would like. 

The best thing you could do is to set better boundaries with your friend and try and get her to understand that not everything can be on her terms. There is a good chance she won’t react well, but this really isn’t all about her. She may try and make you feel guilty for being honest about your feelings. This it really is another way of trying to manipulate you, which is what control in a relationship is all about. In situations like this, the other person will only give you two options; either you’re her friend or you’re not. There is very little compromise given in these situations. 

High school will be a new chapter in your life and will present itself with many opportunities and friendships. There is no reason for you not to make the most of it.




Signed: TeenHealthFX