He Sends Crazy Mixed Up Signals

Published: June 01, 2015
Dear TeenHealthFX,

I have a friend who has had a rough home life and is sensitive, she has cut herself before. There is a guy she is crazy about (I will call him Sam) and he has basically friend zoned her for life, but he sends crazy mixed signals! He tells her he does not want to be with her, yet also says "why do I need a gf when I have you?" He flirts with her and cuddles at each others houses, yet doesn't stop other girls from flirting and sitting on his lap at school He tells her she is so beautiful and is the reason he stays out of trouble, and then talks with her about how he wants to get in some girls' pants And now I guess Sam is after this girl who previously stole my friend's ex and possibly wants some other guy she also likes, despite her (the other girl) having a boyfriend. Sam goes after skanky girls while using my friend for emotional support, and she gives him rides to school, work, and home. Yet my friend is hopelessly devoted and doesn't want to give up on him because she hasn't liked anyone so strongly. I really want to tell her to forget him cuz its not gonna happen, but I dont think she will listen to me. She freaking cut herself over the stress! And she said she doesn't care and it didn't even hurt. Thats bad enough!! What should I say to her to consider finally giving up on Sam? I honestly dont think he will ever go after her, and she deserves better. If I can't talk herout of Sam, can I at least talk her out of cutting? Sorry this was so long

Dear He Sends Crazy Mixed Up Signals,

There is not much you can say to get your friend to recognize how unhealthy this relation is. Although his flaws seem to be obvious, she cannot see them for some reason. Your friend seems to be overly dependent on her boyfriend and it clouds her judgment. She is unable to see that she deserves much better than this. When the anxiety of the relationship gets too much she uses cutting as a way of coping.


It is clear to TeenHealthFX that you are very concerned about your friend, but issues are complicated and require professional help. The best thing you can do is to continue to be a caring friend, which isn’t always easy. It is important that you share your concern with your parents about your friend cutting. You do not want to keep this to yourself because you can become isolated with your fears, which will have a negative impact on your emotions. It is also important for her parents to be in a position where they can get their daughter the help she needs.


Signed: TeenHealthFX