I Feel Like Whenever I'm With People They Don't Want Me There

Published: February 28, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
What do I actually have and how do I stop it? I have a perfectly normal life with a few good friends, great family and currently doing quite well in college, but all the time I have this constant feeling of being misplaced, like I'm useless or just always in the way, I've always been an introvert and I think I'll always be someone who prefers being alone etc but I feel like whenever I'm with people they don't want me there even my family. I've suffered with insomnia and anxiety for as long as I can remember but I'm aware of it and know how to help it but this feeling I've been have for the past two months I'm not sure what it is, I don't think it's depression as I have nothing to be depressed about yet it doesn't feel like a "normal feeling as a teenager". Whenever I eat I feel sick and I shouldn't of eaten and all the time I feel like my life is pointless and then I feel massively guilty because I'm extremely lucky to have food, family and a roof over my head. I can't sleep because I'm constantly thinking about every mistake I've made or how I believe my future will flop. The worst thing is my family and friends never notice when I feel like this and if I try to talk to them they compare it to worse situations or tell me to stop being silly and seeking attention. I really want to get rid of this overwhelming sadness and darkness I feel 24/7 these days for no reason and go back to the kinda happy me before people notice. I'm extremely exhausted of smiling when I feel like crying and all I want to do is be alone but then i feel lonely like, WHY MIND. I hope you don't think I'm asking for attention and whining but anyway, my question is what do I actually have and how to I help it? without involving people?
Signed: I Feel Like Whenever I'm With People They Don't Want Me There

Dear I Feel Like Whenever I'm With People They Don't Want Me There,

From what you have described it is very possible that you are dealing with depression. Your eating habits are affected, you want to cry all the time, and you feel guilty about feeling the way you do. These are all symptoms that can be associated with depression. There are many things that can contribute to depression, not just the absence of basic life needs such as food and shelter. Sometimes contributing environmental factors can actually be quite subtle.

Related to depression is also insecure attachments. People who have insecure attachments can easily feel like others don’t want them around. They may also want to be alone in order to feel safe from being emotionally hurt by others, yet feel lonely at the same time given that it is human nature to want to be connected to others. From what you have described, the people around you do not notice the emotional distress you are in and then minimize or dismiss it when you try to explain it to them. While it may not be ill-intentioned, it can still have a negative impact in terms of how feel about relationships and being able to turn to (and depend on) others.

TeenHealthFX absolutely does not think you are “whining.” We do think you would like some response from others with this, however, we do NOT view that as a negative thing. To reach out for help from others when we are struggling with something is actually very healthy and shows real strength and courage.

FX thinks that the most helpful thing for you right now would be to meet with a reputable therapist, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist. It would helpful for you to meet with someone who you experience as warm and non-judgmental, as well as someone who has experience and training in working with adolescents, depression and attachment issues. You could check with your doctor, a school counselor, family member or friend for referrals of someone good in your area. A therapist can help you to better understand what is going on for you and how to deal with it so you are not in so much distress.

FX can appreciate that you would prefer to deal with this alone as you may have come to experience others as not being particularly caring or helpful to you in what you are going through. However, if you are dealing with depression it is important for you to be working with a trained mental health professional. And if there are attachment issues, those can only be addressed by dealing with others – starting with a therapist who you feel comfortable with. FX is very glad that you chose to reach out to us about this and we hope that you will continue to reach out to others so you can get the guidance and support you need to feel better.     

Signed: TeenHealthFX