Should I Leave Right Away After a Casual Hookup?

While TeenHealhFX can appreciate that you are looking for some guidance about protocol in this kind of situation, we can’t help but wonder why you are in a situation where you are having a causal hookup where you are not even sure if the guy wants you to stay or go afterwards.  

Ideally being physically intimate with another person is about two people who care about each other very much feeling close and connected. When people have sexual encounters that have nothing to do with love and emotional connectedness, research has found that it can increase feelings of:

• Regret
• Depression
• Loneliness
• Disappointment
• Confusion
• Embarrassment
• Guilt
• Low self-esteem

Casual hook-ups also increase the likelihood of the transmission of STDs and of unwanted pregnancies when there is vaginal intercourse. In addition, there is the reality that there can be a social stigma associated with people who have causal hook-ups – and that can be especially hard to deal with for young people who are particularly sensitive to what their peers think of them.  

So rather than focusing on how long to stay after a casual hook-up, TeenHealthFX encourages you to look at what is happening for you that you are interested in casual hook-ups in the first place. To help you to figure this out, we recommend that you speak to a trusted adult such as a parent, extended family member, school counselor, doctor, or private therapist.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

TeenHealthFX does not know if you are having intercourse when you say “causal hook-up.” But if you are, or at whatever point you choose to be in the future, please speak to your doctor about safer sex precautions. Doctors generally recommend that teens and young adults who choose to be sexually active use condoms each and every time they have sex to protect against unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs, as well as a back-up method of birth control such as the pill or birth control shot. Your doctor can make the best recommendations for you and discuss with you how to use properly use birth control to maximize its effectiveness.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-5199 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. A Planned Parenthood health center is a good option if you have concerns about cost or confidentiality issues. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

FX also suggests that you check out the links in our Resource of the Month: Planned Parenthood Resources on Safer Sex so that you can learn about sexual readiness, how pregnancy happens, pregnancy tests, emergency contraception, birth control, STDs and more. The more educated you are about these topics, the more likely you will make healthy decisions for yourself when it comes to your sexual health.