Seem To Be Losing My Two Good Friends

Published: July 06, 2018
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I need help. I suffer from anxiety and depression which I am already receiving professional help for with some success. The medicine and therapy has been helpful, but my biggest help has been in the form of two good friends whom I have trusted with everything and loved with all my heart. For the past few years we have shared many fun times and many great memories. But now it looks like those days are coming to an end. One of them is distancing herself from me to please her jealous boyfriend and will probably abandon me completely soon with the way things are going. The other one is distancing herself for reasons I do not know. Perhaps she has grown bored of me or sees me as a burden or annoyance now. Regardless, this ordeal has brought me a lot of pain and now I fear I will be plunged into a very deep darkness. Most of the people at my school are not the type that can be befriended (gang members, bigots, judgemental types, etc.) and I fear being forever alone. Can you please give me some advice on how to stop this from happening or at least how to cope with this? And before you ask, the counseling services at my school are a joke at best.
Signed: Seem To Be Losing My Two Good Friends

Dear Seem To Be Losing My Two Good Friends,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate that your friends have been such a tremendous help to you. We tend to feel happiest and healthiest when we have people in our lives whom we feel very close to. People who we feel care about us and people who we feel will be there for us no matter what. That said, FX can appreciate that you might be feeling both sad and scared at the thought of losing one or both of these friendships.

FX would first like to invite you to think about whether or not there is hope for these friendships. Would it be possible to speak to your friends about your concerns since you have been so close? You could speak to your friend who has the boyfriend and let her know that as much as you understand her desire to spend time with her boyfriend, you really don’t want it to bring any kind of distance between you. And you could speak to your other friend and ask her if anything has happened between you because you feel the relationship changing and you’re not sure why. Having conversations with one or both your friends opens up the possibility of continuing the relationship rather than severing ties.

If you don’t feel you can talk to them about this, or you do try talking to them and it doesn’t resolve things, then FX thinks the first thing you need to do (if you haven’t already) is to let your therapist know what is going on. It’s important that your therapist is aware of how close you have been with these two friends, what’s been happening with the relationships, and how you are concerned you might react. That way, your therapist can be there for you with the guidance and support you need to get through this time.

FX also suggests you find ways to occupy yourself. Whether with schoolwork, extra-curricular activities, or leisure activities. And try to be around whatever people might be able to offer you some comfort and support, such as family members or even staff members at school.

FX can appreciate that you are worried about managing this. There are many different ways we can have our hearts broken. The loss of a close friend can definitely be one of them. If these friendships do end, make sure you have supports around you while you grieve the loss. Feel free to write into FX again if you need to. And believe in yourself that you will get through this difficult time.

Signed: TeenHealthFX