Why Do I Feel Like I Don't Respect My Mother?

Published: April 12, 2016
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I can't seem to find respect for my mother! It sucks and I know it makes her feel bad but whenever she sees me she really wants to hug me and talk to me and it just really bothers me. I don't know why and I can't stop it but she just bugs me all the time. I try to just not interact with her when I'm feeling this way, but when I do I tend to be pretty rude just because I am annoyed. Why am I feeling like this?
Signed: Why Do I Feel Like I Don't Respect My Mother?

Dear Why Do I Feel Like I Don't Respect My Mother?,

It is normal for teens to assert their independence and want to be with friends during adolescence, which can subsequently lead teens to pull away from their parents a bit. However, it sounds like what you are experiencing with your mother goes beyond this. If you feel that you are unable to have any respect for your mother and are constantly annoyed with her, then TeenHealthFX would say it is safe to say that there is something problematic going on in your relationship with her. This includes how the two of you generally connect, relate and treat each other. Neither one of you should be beating yourself up about where the relationship is at. It is not one person’s fault and focusing on who is to blame will not help solve the problem. In order to address this issue, FX recommends that you and your mother meet with a reputable therapist, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist, with extensive training and experience in family therapy. A family therapist can help you and your mother to look at what is not working in the relationship and help the two of you address whatever underlying problems are at play. It sounds like both of you are feeling badly about the state of your relationship, so hopefully you will both be open to seeking out help from a trained professional to deal with it.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX