Regretting the Situation I'm in With My Teacher

Published: September 04, 2018
Dear Regretting the Situation I'm in With My Teacher,
I did something really stupid and I don't know how to fix it. I'm terrified of what can happen now. I really hope you can't tell anybody, but I don't have anywhere else to go. I'm in school and I have teacher that I heard like younger girls. I really want to go to a good college and have everyone proud of me but some of my classes are really hard. I wasn't thinking and I sent him a message about sex but I regretted it like right after. I just needed an a. I changed my mind. But now he's made it clear that he wants to have sex with me but if I tell anyone then he'll show them that it's my fault. I'm a virgin too. I really don't know what I was thinking. I've never done bad stuff like this. I'm scared I'll have to have sex with him. I'd rather die than have people know. My parents will hate me. I can't breathe and I'm scared and I really hate myself. Please help me find a way out so I can be ok again.
Signed: Regretting the Situation I'm in With My Teacher

Dear Regretting the Situation I'm in With My Teacher,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate how scared you are about how this situation has unfolded. We can also understand why you might be hating yourself right now, however, we invite you to have some compassion for yourself about why you did what you did. It sounds like you have been feeling a lot of pressure to do well in your classes, but have been struggling to some degree with the work. That kind of situation can easily leave a student feeling scared and stressed out, and we don’t always make the best decisions when we are coming from a place of feeling scared and stressed. You did not make this decision because you are a bad person, but because you were scared.

FX also wants to stress to you that what has transpired here is not all your fault. If a student tries to pursue their teacher in a sexual way, it is that teacher’s ethical and legal responsibility not to act on it. You are a minor. Your teacher is the adult and the professional in a power position. Therefore, it is his responsibility to maintain appropriate boundaries and appropriate relationships with his students no matter what. Not only is this the healthy way to view this type of situation, it is also the law. Your teacher can try all he wants to manipulate you by scaring you into thinking it is your fault, but the administration at your school and the law will see it differently.

As for what to do from here, TeenHealthFX wants to stress that you do not have to (and you should not) have any kind of sexual relations with your teacher. No matter what the situation is, when it comes to sex a person always has the right to change their mind. Even if you are in a healthy relationship with someone and think you are ready for sex, but then see you are not – you are never under any obligation to go through with something you are not comfortable with. So please do not feel you have to have sex with your teacher. There is absolutely no reason you would have to. You also should not be physically intimate with your teacher in any way as it would definitely not be a healthy decision for you and it would not be a healthy or legal decision for your teacher. So from this point on it is very important not to respond to any texts or messages your teacher may send you and not to put yourself in a situation where you will be alone with him.  

FX does think it is important for you to report what happened to a trusted staff member at school, such as your school nurse, a guidance counselor, the school social worker or the principal. For one thing, if your teacher has a history of having sexual relationships with his students the school administration needs to know about it as he should not be working in your school or any other school. He will face legal consequences for his behavior, however, you need to remind yourself that whatever legal issues he will face is 100% his doing and his responsibility.

FX would also like you to talk to someone at school about this so that they can help explain the situation to your parents in a way where they will understand why you did what you did and offer you the help you need right now. And since you have been having a hard time with your classes and seem to be under so much pressure, it would be helpful for your parents and staff at school to know about it so they can provide you with whatever help and guidance you need to deal with the work and with your stress.

TeenHealthFX can appreciate that it will feel scary to talk to someone at school about this, but it is really important that you let a trusted adult know what is going on here so please talk to someone at your school as soon as possible.