Wrong For Sister To Date My Ex?

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Recently my sister has starting dating my ex boyfriend. I told both of them that I don't like it after all the things he has said about me. Is my sister in the wrong because it seems as if I'm over reacting and she's right to date him and become his girlfriend
Signed: Wrong For Sister To Date My Ex?

Dear Wrong For Sister To Date My Ex?,


TeenHealthFX can appreciate that it would be difficult for you to see your sister dating an ex – particularly when it sounds like there were some problems between you and your ex in terms of the “things he has said about” you.

FX does think it is important for you to talk to your sister about this. What we suggest is that you stay away from figuring out who is “right” and who is “wrong” in the situation in your discussion with her. What you could say is something like, “You are my sister and I care about you and our relationship. So I think it is important that you understand how hurt I feel that would date an ex of mine, particularly someone who said some unkind things about me.” You can also ask your sister if she can understand why this would upset you, and you can check in with her about whether or not she is aware of how the prospect of her dating your ex could negatively affect you and your relationship with her. If your sister is aware of how this is making you feel and wants to go ahead with it anyway, FX suggests you check in with her about why it is so important for her to date this person knowing the hurt it is causing you and the damage it might do to your relationship with one another.

FX wants to validate your feelings about this, and to stress that we think the most helpful thing you can do in this situation is to talk to your sister about how you are feeling and to get a better understanding of where she is coming from in the hopes the two of you can come to some kind of resolution with this. If after speaking to your sister you find nothing has really changed, FX recommends you reach out to a trusted adult for some support and guidance in how to deal with this, such as a parent or school counselor.

Signed: TeenHealthFX