My Sister Asked Me To Experiment Sexually With Her

Published: January 20, 2015
Dear My Sister Asked Me To Experiment Sexually With Her,

I am 16, and my sister is 15. We've been close all our lives. She has recently asked me to sexually experiment with her. Specifically, she wanted me to massage her breasts and feel her butt. Though I immediantly refused-after all, she's my sister-, she argued that we don't have to be in love or be attracted to one another too experiment in this way. She said I was the only person she knew she could trust and was close enough too to experiment with, she doesn't want to do it with a boyfriend. She asked me to think about it and left it there. That was a couple days ago. Should I do it? I'm very confused and unsure about what to do.

Dear My Sister Asked Me To Experiment Sexually With Her,

TeenHealthFX thinks that it is wonderful that you and your sister have been close all your lives. However, adding any kind of sexual component to your relationship with one another would bring the relationship to a level of intimacy that is both unhealthy and inappropriate.

There are many things to consider when thinking about who to become sexual with. Two of these considerations include:

  • Your comfort with the other person.

  • Maintaining appropriate boundaries between yourself and the other person.

Clearly your sister’s request makes you feel uncomfortable (as it should), which is your first sign that this is not appropriate. The second sign is that given you are related to one another, you would be crossing boundaries in an unhealthy way to get involved sexually with one another.

TeenHealthFX recommends that you let your sister know that sexual intimacy is not any part of a healthy sibling relationship, and, therefore, you will not be taking part in any kind of sexual experimentation with her.

FX is concerned that your sister made this unhealthy, inappropriate request of you. We are even more concerned that she does not seem to view it as a problematic request in any way. You might share this concern with her. You might also consider speaking to a trusted adult about it – someone (such as a parent, school counselor or private therapist) who can intervene on your sister’s behalf. For your sister to be unclear about the nature of appropriate sibling relationships and appropriate sexual behaviors in this way at the age of 15 is worrisome.

If your sister lives in northern New Jersey and needs help finding a therapist she can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area she can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in her area. She can also contact her insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with her school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.