Maybe Over It

Published: February 15, 2019
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Is my boyfriend really over his ex-gf? i can feel that my boyfriend really loves me a lot, but just not sure whether he is truly 100% over his ex (subconsciously maybe...? not sure). he still keeps polaroids of them, telling me that those, after all, were good memories, so he wouldn't want to throw them away. also, he felt unhappy and wanted to text his ex because he knows that her current bf is an ass (backstory: my bf and her were friends a long time ago, best friends. and to quote what he said 'i am genuinely concerned for her as a friend, because we used to be so close'). not sure if I'm missing something, or completely overthinking.
Signed: Maybe Over It

Dear Maybe Over It,

It’s often so hard when we are unsure about a situation. Do you bring it up and make an issue and then it turns out to be nothing? Or do you say nothing and let these feelings fester? It is a hard position to be in.

Have you tried speaking with a close friend or family member who knows the situation with your boyfriend? Sometimes talking with someone who has an outsider’s perspective can make you see different sides of the story.

 Also go with your true feelings about the situation. Ask yourself this question first. Do you trust your boyfriend? If you answered no, then maybe you should look at your relationship as a whole. Why don’t you trust him? What has he done that made you not trust him? Often times you will find when the trust is gone from a relationship, it can be hard to repair.

If you do trust your boyfriend, then maybe you could start a conversation by saying to him something like I understand your concern about your ex but I just want to make sure there are no unresolved feelings there? It is often easier to write down what you want to say and how you would react given his response. It’s always a good idea to keep calm and express your thoughts clearly so your boyfriend understands you are coming from a place of concern. Your boyfriend should be receptive to you and your feelings and concerns about the situation. If he brushes you off or says something like “you’re crazy” there may be cause for concern.

While there may never be a perfect answer to all this, you and your personal happiness are what’s most important here. Do not ever put your feeling aside to make someone else happy. 

Am I in a healthy relationship

Working out relationship issues

How to have a difficult conversation

Signed: TeenHealthFX