My Heart Hurts So Much. Do You Have Any Advice?

Published: June 20, 2020
Dear TeenHealthFX,
When I was 12, I met a great girl who was 14 and we quickly became close and got into a relationship that lasted 5 years. Things seemed to be going great between us, but last year she abruptly dumped me and cut all contact with me. A few days later I found out through a mutual friend that she had been cheating on me with a 32 year old guy (she was 19 at this point and I was 17). I tried reaching out to ask why, but she ignored me and blocked me on everything. I became extremely depressed. She had been a major part of my life for a little over 5 years and I deeply loved her. We were always there for each other and I deeply trusted her. Then she betrayed me. It felt like she dipped a knife in poison and stabbed me in the heart with it. I managed to get through my senior year and I just finished high school a few weeks ago. I was getting better little by little and felt like I was over her, but I found out that last week she got married to that old guy she was cheating on me with. I feel horrible all over again. My heart hurts so much I can barely sleep and when I do I have nightmares with her in them. I can't really talk to anyone about it since my friends aren't the talk about feelings type and my family is pretty apathetic and would rather not hear it. Do you have any advice?
Signed: My Heart Hurts So Much. Do You Have Any Advice?

Dear My Heart Hurts So Much. Do You Have Any Advice?,

TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear what you are going through. It is normal to feel sad and hurt because you’ve lost someone that you cared about. It’s important to remember that you won’t always feel this way. Give yourself time to grieve the loss. Don't forget your own worth and realize that you have a lot to offer someone else. Take this time to focus on your strengths and the good qualities you can bring to a new relationship.

TeenHelthFX would like to suggest you consider these coping skills as you go through the process of finding yourself and moving on:

  •  Keep yourself busy. Start a hobby or do something you enjoy.
  •  Reach out to friends or make some new ones.
  •  Meditate before bed to help with the nightmares. 
  •  Eat healthy.  
  •  Enjoy and explore the outdoors. 
  •  Journaling, it is very helpful to get your feelings out so you can begin to accept them.

We understand that it may be difficult to talk to your parents or friends and suggest reaching out to your healthcare provider, another trusted adult or therapist. Even though you mention just graduating, school counselors may still be available to provide you with the support you need.  If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a health professional, you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400.


Signed: TeenHealthFX