I Can't Trust Them, What Do I Do? Do I Act Out?
Hi there! I'm female and I have a boyfriend we basically were together all through school. He graduated before me and I'm close to graduating too. I'm excited that we are both doing well in school. But I guess on the love side of things? it's not so good. I feel like there's no shame once you decide you want to make a positive effort and be happy so here's my question: like when we first started going out I feel like I have a really hard time talking with him. I would get really jealous and then I heard a bad thing. I heard he did stuff with my sister. I don't know if it was a rumor started by one of his friends or if it's true. Ive confronted them both and they both deny it. I have tried to let it go but it's like an obsession I have nightmares about it I've acted out. I can't trust them. Some days I'm calm I'm ok but on Valentine's day this year. My sister is with someone else but she happened to see my bf in the street and she freaked out. I'm trying to keep it together they both been super freaked out for days now. I havent said a word. What do I do? What does it mean? Do I act out?
TeenHealth FX understands that this is a frustrating and confusing situation. Trust is an important factor in all relationships. You tried having open communication with them, which is great, but it seems that it did not settle the doubt. Now that the situation is not allowing you to sleep and/or having a balanced mental wellbeing says that it is not best for you to stay in this situation. Stress can lead to many health issues, so learning how to lower stressors in life is important. Relationships should be fun, an opportunity to grow with someone, and a safe place for you.
You may not be ready to take some time away for yourself, but journaling about what you would like to say to gain closure on everything could be helpful. Have any final conversations that you feel are necessary and slowly begin to step away. Journaling will help you not act out and stay true to the best version of yourself. Ask yourself, is this rumor something you can always live with? Or what do you want out of your relationship?
Taking time for yourself can be an opportunity to try new hobbies or continue a hobby you enjoy. Hobbies lower stress, increase confidence, promote positive mental and emotional health, and help manage emotions and social connections. If any relationship in your life is not molding you into the best version of yourself, then things should be reevaluated.
If you need more guidance on what to do with this unique situation, you should reach out to a trusted adult or friend that is neutral. That could be a parent, teacher, guidance counselor, doctor, coach, etc. If you need help finding a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-5199 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist.
