Am I Bisexual Or Gay?

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I think I need some help. I know you guys do not answer all the questions submitted but I am asking you to please answer mine. It is really important and it is stressing me out VERY much.I am a 15 years old teenage boy. I have depression and clinical anxiety. I have loved girls all my life. I have had several girlfriends. Ever since about 7th grade when I started to get curious, I have been confused. I started to look up naked people on google in like 7th grade and that is when I first masturbated. I did it in the shower my first time. One time in 8th grade though, I looked up a naked boy on google just to see and then I stopped. I didnt jack off for like a year because I felt guilty. My friend told me that it was a sin to masturbate. I didnt look up anything sexual becasue I knew it would stir me up. In around 9th grade I started to look at actual porn. I never looked at anything but strait and lesbian porn. But for some reason, my straight thoughts started to go down hill. I think I started to think about naked men as well as naked women. I never looked at gay porn until my curiosity overpowered me. I want to be straight. I like women but for some reason I feel like I like looking at penises as well. I do not understand. Deep in my mind I know I like women but I feel like there is this virus that is causing me to have these feelings. I have no problem with gay people and I just feel that I am not gay. Eventually I started to look at gay porn as well as regular porn. And then I jacked off once to gay porn. But I have jacked off to regular porn. I need help... I do not understand. During the summer of last year, I looked at gay porn but then I got so stressed and filled with worries along with my OCD thoughts that I overdosed on me antidepressants and was hospitalized. I never told anyone the second part of why I did it, the sexual thoughts is the second part. And after, the thoughts still keep coming. I need someone to help me. Am I bisexual? I do not understand. Am I gay. Or am I just straight and my thoughts a
Signed: Am I Bisexual Or Gay?

Dear Am I Bisexual Or Gay?,

 

TeenHealthFX cannot know if you are straight, bisexual or gay. Only you can know who you are and what feels and right and true to you. You may be drawn to gay porn because you are bisexual or gay, or you may be drawn to it as one of many adolescents who goes through a phase of sexual curiosity which happens to include being aroused by men, or it may mean something else altogether. While we can’t know the answer to this particular question, we do feel clear that you are in tremendous distress over these issues – so we think that it is very important that you speak to someone about it soon, especially since you say that these feelings contributed to an overdose of medication in the past. Since you are on medication and say you have a depression and anxiety, it sounds like you may already be in treatment with a mental health professional. If you are, we strongly suggest speaking to this professional about what you have been going through. If you are not seeing a therapist, then FX advises you to seek out one as soon as possible so that you can get some guidance and support as you try to sort out these thoughts and feelings and find some peace for yourself.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Since you did overdose in the past, FX would like to state that if you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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