How Do I Get Over My Ex if He is Still My Best Friend?

Published: June 30, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
How to get over my ex if he's still my best friend? So I started dating this guy and he became one of my best friends. I really liked him but I just wasn't feeling our relationship and the label we had of "boyfriend girlfriend" so I broke it off with him eventually. Now it's been a few months and I still like him and miss him and I can't get over him cause he's still my best friend! We talk about everything and hang out all the time and he even told me about the NEW girl he likes!! So I'm pretty sure he's over me but I'm just not over him so what do I do
Signed: How Do I Get Over My Ex if He is Still My Best Friend?

Dear How Do I Get Over My Ex if He is Still My Best Friend?,

The first thing that TeenHealthFX is curious about is what made you want to break off the relationship? It sounds like you still have more-than-friend feelings for him, that he feels like a best friend and that you spend a great deal of time together. So we are wondering what wasn’t working for you about dating? One of the things FX wonders is if there was something feeling a little scary about getting so close to someone that made you want to break it off. When we date someone who means a lot to us, it can be very anxiety-provoking because of how much it will hurt if we were to lose that person. Some people are able to manage that anxiety and for others, the anxiety is so strong they stay out of close, dating relationships.

FX thinks this might be helpful to think about so that you can decide what it is that you actually want with this guy. If you see that you do want to be back in a relationship with him, then think about why you want to be in a relationship with him, why you broke up and whether or not you are really ready to be dating. If you feel you are ready, consider talking to this person about why you broke up with him and how you are feeling now. FX cannot know whether or not he will want to be back in the relationship, but you can decide if it’s worth the risk depending on how much he means to you.

If you or this person (or both of you) are not interested in dating one another right now, then you have to think about whether or not you can handle being friends with him. It is possible that right now it might be too hard for you and you might need some time apart for you to move on before you can be true friends and be okay hearing about his new dating experiences along with everything else.

If you feel like he is your only good friend, then FX recommends focusing on building some new relationships. To feel like we only have one person we like to spend time with, or can turn to if we need to lean on someone, can be a scary thing. If making close friends does feel difficult for you, consider speaking to a trusted adult about it such as a parent, extended family member, school counselor or even private therapist. And if you continue to have a hard time dealing with this current situation, FX recommends you reach out to a trusted adult about that, too, so you have the guidance and support you need.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX